It's all about my thoughts

Love, yes ? no ?

2009-11-18T22:15:00.003+08:00

Life has its ups and downs. I'm at the period where i'm at the cross roads again and not sure which direction i should take. It's coming to a year since i moved to SG for work. It has been an interesting year as met quite a number of new friends. The whole new environment changed my perception about life. No doubt, I'm very much occupied with work, family and social life but there are times where i'm confused what i should do. There are a few friends whom had inspired me in a lot of ways.....I do admire their hardwork and determination to achieve something in life. I'm working towards that direction - i want my own crib and not to say a lifetime companion who can go through thick and thin together. My life isn't complete without a lovelife.

Oh well, being single is fun but after being single for almost 2 years....it can be quite sad and demotivated. I have used to my singlehood....i have lots of freedom in doing whatever i feel like doing. I love to share my happiness with all my loved ones. I'm happy for those who have found love. My past relationships have made me set high expectations on the next person i want to be with. I would say.....this person is a perfectionist and it will be a challenge to even meet this type of guy. If i'm destined to be single forever, i just have to live with it. Another 1.5 months to go to say bye bye to 2009 and hello 2010! I'm looking forward to another exciting year and there will be a lot of important decisions to make and also have to get the ball rolling......need to plan something about my future. haven't thought how challenge this coming year will be but definitely can get through it well.

Fon

I should not have mixed feelings but I did.

2009-10-11T22:43:00.002+08:00

I hardly blog nowadays as FB does have the features of jotting down short notes and share with friends. I only blog here when I don't feel like sharing my thoughts to people i know. Few months passed....I experienced peak period to off peak and left to London for 2 weeks vacation. The trip was wonderful and also an eye-opener for me to realise that there are just so much things to see and experience. I just love it and build up my passion to travel even more. Well, I thanked my cuz for making this happen to me.

I'm now back to reality......yeah, it's demovating to be back to work but more exciting to look forward to upcoming trips. I bought lots of stuffs back for myself, family and friends. When I see them happy, I'm happy! I shared my thoughts and photos with friends and family as the indication that I'm glad that I've gone for the trip.

After I got back, something weird happened. After not dating any guy for almost 2 years, i have lost that feeling and can't even feel how it is like to fall in love. I sort of prepare myself to live alone and enjoy my singlehood life as long as I have money to keep me happy. I feel so strange that I could actually let a guy friend of mine to kiss and hug me in one of the late nights watching movies together. I have no freaking idea what is he up to and I don't know why I didn't stop him. Well, as i have known him for quite a while and also known him for being such a bastard esp with those girls who are crazy over him. He is a commitment freak so he would not make any relationship official unless he really mean it. As I'm his friend, so i thought he would not do such thing to me or take advantage of me. Afterall, he is a good friend indeed...someone whom i could count on if i'm in trouble. I always believe that if he likes me and I like him, we would have dated so much longer ago. I have read so much about how guys can hurt a girl just to satisfy their lust so i thought I'm prepared and will not let this happen to me anymore.

Well, I must say that he is kind of attractive and fulfil the criteria of my future man in term of physic. Having a crush is normal but as I know i'm not the one he is looking for so i never bother to go few steps further as i like him as a friend. He gives me 2 impressions now after what he has done to me. First, he did that as he has been doing the same thing to all the girls who doesn't mind sleeping with him. so this makes me feel that he is also seeing me as one of those girls he has been fooling with. Second, he did that as he does have feeling for me else he would not do that. Well i must say that i agree on the first point more as i know a guy could just hurt a girl's feeling and without thinking of the consequences. Now it makes feel even worse as i have been labeled "cheap" or "easy" and he no longer see me as a good friend. Since what had happened, we never talk about it as we still go out as normal friends which we have been doing. I never bother to confront him as I don't see it worth doing so. It would probably make the matter worse. Probably no more friends. Guess this is quite normal for him but not for me.....well, i must admit that I begin to know how to play this "no strings attached" game but I really do want it to happen. I just want to be my real self but not categorised as a slut. All i need is to have someone who truly loves and accepts me for who I'm but not being fooled around. This isn't the first time.

Oh well, if he is going to do it again someday, I better have my guts ready and say it to his face : "YK, you better mean it if you want to kiss me. Otherwise, you will just lose me as a friend. " Anyway, I doubt this happen again as he actually stepped back after a few kisses. feeling guilty perhaps!

This whole incident just spoilt my weekend!

Fon

Braces removed...

2009-06-23T01:31:00.002+08:00

After being influenced to put on braces about 4.5 years ago, the metal thingy which pull my set of teeth together were removed. I'm smiling for joy now. It was indeed a very worthy long term investment !

It also marked the day of freedom.....the person who wanted me to put on braces is not the first person to see my beautiful smile.

I deserve so much better things in life.

Fon

It's coming to 5th month....

2009-04-27T00:49:00.003+08:00

Time flies....it's entering to my 5th month in Singapore. Things have been moving fast and I'm picking up my work pretty well now. But i have set rather high expectation on myself so I still feel that I'm not performing at the very best level yet. Anyway, there're way too many things to learn in life. Just too many which i doubt i can finish learning.

I'm still learning to accept the fact that I'm single. Been dumped and left broken hearted. I'm still picking up the broken pieces of my heart and trying to put them back together. Whatever need to be said has been said and whatever need to be done has been done. There is no turning back but to look forward to grab every opportunity that i have to be happy. On the surface, i look happy and positive but deep down inside me, there are still lots of grieves and sore. Why am i torturing myself for someone who is not even worth it ? no one to blame but myself for getting involved with someone who messed up my entire life. No doubt I'm stronger now not to let anyone mess up my life again but it is not enough. It makes me even more angry that he can actually tell me that he is tired of fighting with his current gf and now want to hold back the trigger. what a coward ! he lost my respect.

I feel that having this blog is stupid....on and on i'm talking about the same old issue. I should get rid of this blog.

Fon

Rainy days...

2009-03-15T17:06:00.003+08:00

I have been busy so never bother to blog. It was raining heavily and was trapped in the house. For the first time ever, i really my life's so boring. I don't know what to do and I'm lazy to get out from the house. I think this is one of the days that you just don't want to do anything or meet anyone.

I begin to feel more positive each day and my dream to go to London has drawn closer. I just got myself a ticket to London for 2 weeks vacation ! I can't wait seriously but for now need to focus on my work and save all the money to be used there.

It has been a crazy month - for the very first time that I spent so much in a month, a new cam, a new lappie and a ticket to London !!!! That's it....no more spending after this. save save save !!!!! $$$ is not easy to earn....it's all from blood and sweat. haha...

I better get going.

Fon

why why why...

2009-02-15T21:06:00.002+08:00

I'm blogging first time while at the airport waiting for my flight back to Singapore. I was back to Malaysia for a weekend due to my dental appointment and it has to be a valentine's weekend. This is my first valentine that I celebrated without someone i love. Anyway, it was a good one as I got to hang out with my beloved girlfriends to pamper ourselves with massages and a nice dinner.

I could not believe myself is that I actually miss HIM. It has been a year or so....my feeling is still the same. Missing him but don't want to see him. Truthfully, I'm still very much in love in him although i know his heart has someone else now. The other day a close friend of mine actually asked me whether when i can let go the past and open my heart to accept someone new into my life. It's not there is no one out there for me but i just could not let go. All the memories still so fresh in my mind...... I was so hurt by him when he left me but how come i'm still carrying this excess baggage with me even i have moved to Singapore to start a new life. Now I kinda regret that I made the trip back this time. I really do not know when i can actually let go. Why am i still hanging on with someone who broke my heart and so selfish ???? Probably this is some kind of punishment that i have to go through during this current life.

Even though i had deleted him from everything but that doesn't stop others telling me about him. Each time i hear about him, my heart will end up uncomfortable and hoping that I could touch him once again. No matter how strong i appear but inside me i'm still trying to pick up the broken pieces of my heart. I foresee this wound will be there for a while....1 year, 2 years or 10 years or forever??? I really don't know. I admire some people who can move on so fast and be happy.

I hate this feeling very much....arrgghhhh !!! I hate you, G !!! really really hate you.....

Fon

Changeling

2009-02-08T23:49:00.004+08:00

i just got back from a movie "Changeling" and it was awesome. Sad and I could really feel Angelina Jolie's character being a mum and strong woman. She makes the woman out there proud ! Hope she gets the Oscar. So many nice movies coming up.....can't wait to watch all of them.

These few days I have a bit moody. I don't know the reason why but i guess once in a while it's just not my day. For example last Friday.....I had a bad day really. I got scolded by my client which wasn't my fault at all and got screwed by a Manager whom I don't really fancy for questioning me on my time sheet which I spent most of weekends updating it. Luckily, I have a bunch of friends who can spice up my day after work. Cheers to you all !

This weekend has been slagging too...i was out pampering myself and chilling with friends. I didn't want to think about my work even though i know that the work is piling up. Nah....take it one at a time. For the money sake, I will ignore everything but focus on my work. I need to be happy and perform.

Tomorrow will be another feasting day...it's Chap Goh Meh which is also known as chinese v-day. I will be back to KL next weekend. Can't wait to catch up with some of my friends back home. After almost 2 months i'm here, i begin to miss home especially my room. Being lonely is torturing but need to make my life more colourful.

It's not healthy to keep thinking about the past. It's so hard to erase those memories and move on. I think I'm just too stubborn....sigh...

Fon

1 year anniversary

2009-01-24T00:42:00.003+08:00

I used to celebrate anniversary with my ex-bfs for the years we were together and i could not believe myself that i'm writing this now. Yes, it was exactly 1 year ago he called it off. All i know that time is only have tears oozing out from my eyes non-stop when he told me that he has lost the feelings towards our relationship. It was the first time ever i felt that I've lost everything. It hurts so bad up to the extend that i could still remember till this day. Each song that plays, whom i meet, things that i see or hear will always trigger me to remember every single happy moment i was with him. Before the move to Singapore, I have told myself that i want to delete everything about him and move on with my life. When he is completely out of my life now, i actually miss him! irony isn't it ?

I will be going back home tomorrow for cny break. At the same time, he will be leaving to overseas trip with his family. It's his annual family affair and i was once accepted as part of his family. Courtesy wise, i still text his sister who is my buddy now to wish them safe flight and may they enjoy the trip. When i least expect it, one of my girlfriends broke the news to me that he and his current gf split. I do not know whether this is good or bad. To my close friends, obviously they will be happy as he deserves it. On the other hand, i sympathize him and that gf of his actually blogged about him - detailing all his attitudes which are exactly i used to point out. NO matter what, he is still him and the G that i know. G, whatever had happened between us, i'm still hoping for the best for you. Take it as an experience and learn from there. I was at low point but as long as you believe in yourself, everything will be OK :).

I have been working for the past few days and i foresee it will be worse after cny. I can start to feel the stress air rushing in and i'm hoping that i can really keep up the pace and go through this tax filing season. i really hope i could catch up fast so can help other team members where required. My Malaysian friends in Singapore have been really very good to me. My life journey in Singapore will shine even brighter because of them. Thanks to you all ! Without you all, there won't be tomorrow for me...wink wink !!

I have not been sleeping much lately due to late nights. Well, at least i do have a few close friends to talk to. I miss the time chatting with the one you love on the phone every single night before you fall asleep. I think that's the best feeling ever and i feel lucky in a way that i got to experience it. Though it doesn't last but at least i had it.

Fon

It's new year and a brand new beginning...

2009-01-01T14:01:00.004+08:00

I haven't been updating my blog since i came to Singapore on 13 Dec 2008. Today marks the first day of 2009 and my new life in a new country has just begun :)

I have started work in Singapore office on 16 Dec 2008, i have been trying to adapt myself in a new place especially the living lifestyle and working environment and culture. Everything looks fine so far and I'm liking the new environment. Anyway, this is just the beginning and there is a long way to go and I'm not sure how long I would be here. I'm really taking it one step at a time. Whatever is going to happen in future, i don't know. All i wanted is just to enjoy myself as much as possible and do whatever i want to do especially things I have missed out because of one person.

My new resolution for this year 2009 is to put the sadness behind and whatever happened last year will remain as memories. I want to wipe off all the unfortunate things that happened to me and all the bad experiences i had with the people who had disappointed me and broke my heart into pieces. I had picked all the pieces of my heart back and change to be a better and stronger person. I know this year will be a better year for me and also everyone whom i care the most.

Happy 2009 ! It will be a blast one....

Fon

I'm back

2008-12-07T23:07:00.002+08:00

I didn't blog for the past 1 month plus as there were so many things happened. After i got back from Deloitte treasure hunt trip. I got the offer from Singapore office and i resigned upon receipt of the official letter from SG. I will be leaving to SG for work this sat....phew.....time flies.

Somehow what i had hoped for turned out to be true and most exciting part is that I will be in SG for x'mas for the very first time. woohoo...can't wait !! Since the news of my resignation was announced to my fellow colleagues, they have been so sweet to organize all sorts of activities on weekly basis just to spend the last few weeks with me before i move to SG. I have been attending farewell lunches and dinners with friends. It was tiring but i really enjoy every single moment with my close friends. It clearly shows that I'm rather important in my friends' eyes though we seldom meet or even chat due to individual commitments. I treasure all my friends out there very very much :).

Li-Ann and Jon's wedding was over. It was nice to get together with everyone and manage to make new friends before i leave. G was there as well. Somehow things were different since i last met or spoke to him. He still looks the same but we do not talk much anymore. All i can say is that he is trying to avoid me as much as possible. It is sad, isn't it? Anyway, i could understand especially when he is currently attached. I can still sense guilt in him for letting me go and isn't that happy as he used to be. The best part is that i did not expect that i still miss him a lot. It's not that i miss him because i still love him but i still care and concern a lot about him. I still want to make sure that he is doing well and happy with his current life. Whatever it is, I noted the reason why we do have anything to talk about. I just hope you could be happy for yourself but not for someone else. Take care G ! i wish i could watch over you but i have to let go for my own happiness.

After watching the movie, Twilight, I'm reading the book now as I so in love with the story line and the characters featured in Twilight. I hope i finish the book before i get busy with my new job in SG. Seriously, I'm going over to SG without any expectations. I do not dare to think what's going to happen next but just go with a flow. I may not know where i will end up later. Probably, i will move back to Malaysia in less than a year...hahah....To be truthful, I have to leave Malaysia as it leaves me too many memories about me and G. In some ways, i'm still holding on to him. I wonder whether he knows how lucky he is to have someone out there watching over him all the time.

Fon

I'm back in my hometown after 3 years

2008-10-26T00:56:00.008+08:00

Why 3 years?? good question ! I have no reason to come back to KT as my parents go to KL once every 2 months and most of my hometown friends are currently working in KL. Basically, if i ever make a trip back home is to relax and enjoy some home cooked food. Yes, I always love the sea breeze from South China Sea. I'm proud to say that it is a nice place to relax and having to walk for only 5 mins to reach the beach....where can you find in the city like KL ? Below are some pics taken when I make a walk to the beach yesterday evening. KT still looks the same but with broader roads and highways coming up. I could see more tourists too.

There are some ppl fishing....

The waves....

A very angry sky......

Fon @ KT

My first online purchase

2008-10-26T00:40:00.004+08:00

I did an online purchase @ http://www.amazon.com/ few weeks back and the package arrived earlier than I expected. I would say that I had an extremely good experience doing online shopping. The service was great as they actually notified me when my package was shipped and only charged my credit card on the day they shipped it. Somehow you could get some best buy items via online. I got myself a special edition CD from Kavana. Well, Kavana was popular during my teenage days. If I'm not mistaken, I was only 15 - 16 back then and went crazy over him. He is too cute !! Too bad for him that he didn't make it far after 2 albums. Anyway, I still adore his songs. Below is my purchase :-

Cool eh??

I truly love it ! One of the best buy in year 2008 :)

Fon

Hectic weekends

2008-10-19T22:18:00.002+08:00

It has been a hectic week for me since i got back from Tioman trip last weekend. It was a fun trip and managed to interact with some new colleagues which are seated at different floors. The whole trip made me realise that life goes on everyday..whether is good or not, we just have to make the best out of it with no regrets. Though the trip was fun but i tired myself out. I was down with sore throat on the way back from Tioman to KL. Few days after that I lost my voice. Luckily it was only for one day but now i still cough a little as the throat still feels dry although i had made myself drink so much of water and was also on medication.

I'm currently in Singapore and will blog about it later the reason why I'm here. I arrived at SG yesterday evening and was invited to attend a party at Attica, Clark Quay. My cousin, S went to claim her Champagne since it was her birthday. Before we hopped on to Attica, we had some drinks at Le Noir. It was my first time to try out Mojito though i heard about it. It was getting crowded when midnight approached. Overall, it was a great night out with two of cousins and their friends. I reached Aunt Alice's house at about 3am. I felt bad as it had already been bad enough to trouble them over the weekend. I'm trying not to trouble them so much. I can't wait for tomorrow to be over and go back to KL.

One thing I can't believe that i will be out of KL during the 4 weekends in Oct. When i get back to work on Tuesday, i will be flying off to KT - back to hometown after 3 years !!!! Hope this time i could have a relaxing break before my first treasure hunt on 31st Oct to 2 Nov to Pulai Spring. I'm so looking forward to it as this time i'll be travelling with MY, one of my best buddies. It is also our first trip cum "treasure hunt" together though we used to be roommate and have been friends for so long. It was so last minute that we managed to get a team of 4 (trick-or-treat) to register for the hunt. Thanks to YP for asking me to join ! We are going to have loads of fun :)

Guess my life is going to start from zero again. I need to forget the past and move on completely. Will it be better after this? Honestly, I really don't know but just have to take one step at a time and live life to the fullest. I would be in the search of my real love too.....does it actually exist ? Perhaps not eh. what matter the most is i had been in love before and with no regrets.

Fon

Ipod, coffee & me.

2008-10-05T17:05:00.009+08:00

I'm addicted to black coffee ever since i came back from Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam earlier this year. I bought the coffee powder back to let my family members try. Somehow I made myself a cup of Vietnamese Coffee (blue mountain) while surfing the net last night. It was such a good feeling to drink a cup of hot coffee when you just laze at home all by yourself. The aroma is just irresistable ! In fact, I have been trying black coffee once a week during lunch or dinner. Black coffee is the only type of coffee that won't make me feel dizzy and uneasy. Guess my hunt for black coffee from all over the world has just begun....

I mentioned in my previous blog that I got an ipod as a gift this year. Yes, it is the best gift !!!! I just can't live without it. Recently, i just added so many latest and my favourite songs so i could listen to them wherever i'm......

During my sleepless nights....

This is really a cool gadget which can entertain you 24/7.

During bedtime....

Thanks to Apple for such great creation !

Fon

How could I get a truthful answer ?

2008-10-03T16:53:00.002+08:00

Yesterday I finally got myself out from the house. That because Bee asked me to join her for a swim at Shah Alam Aquatic Centre. Unfortunately, it was closed when we reached there but was opened for their own staff. It was so unfair ! Since we were so eager to swim, Bee suggested to check out the club house owned by BNM. Since the club house opened its door couple of weeks ago, Bee only went there once for badminton. We were lucky that the club was opened on daily basis till 10pm. It is new with modern architecture and most importantly it has all the club house facilities i.e. tennis, badminton, squash, swimming pool, spa (I was so surprised!!! so cool), pool room, karaoke etc. There are about 200 ++ rooms available for BNM staff and visitors worldwide esp those who are invited to the bank for seminars, courses and conferences. Too bad i didn't bring my cam along to take pics of that cool place. The club house is obviously opened for BNM staff so i had to pretend i was one of the staff to sneak in. hahha....we were lucky enough to have one of the security guards to bring us around to check out the place. I was amazed really !!

We had a good swim and headed for dinner after we showered. Bee brought me to Paramount Garden for dinner. I was so hungry and in the mood to order all kinds of food. So i ordered a plate of Fried Sotong, Claypot Curry Fish Fillet with Rice and a plate of Hokkien Mee + Mee Hoon to share. Guess what....we finished them all !!!! Gosh, isn't great to be in the mood of eating ? Bee enjoyed herself and she told me that was like the first time for her to eat so much after so long. The food was just so appetizing and you just can't resist. haha. I got home about 10 plus and my bro was helping me to add songs into my ipod since i will be off to Tioman for company trip next weekend. It's going to be a relaxing one as i plan to bring my books to read by the beach while listening to my ipod. So looking forward to it.....

Today afternoon I had a lunch appointment with JN which was long outstanding. We tried the set lunches at San Francisco Steakhouse which was opened at SS17. It wasn't too bad but can be better :p. We had a long chat to catch up with each other lives. Found out more about my ex and he still the same old person. I wonder when will he grow up and start thinking about future. I used to be worried about him so much till I lost myself. Now no longer need to worry anything about him but I wish things will be good for him in future (even though i still hate him for giving up on me that time). Guess I'm just too nice....Good Luck G!

I'm listening to my ipod now and each song that i listen will bring back all the memories - bitter and sweet esp about the person who gave me this ipod. He said he will care for me no matter what. I really wonder whether he still cares ??? He said he is tight down with work but i feel that it's more like avoiding me completely. Yes, it is a right thing to do i.e. to prevent me from planting any more seeds as it may not even grow to be a tree. I really want to tell him that I'm not planting anymore seeds but instead to thank him for making me realise that there are more things for me to explore out there and have the desire to see more. All I hope for is to get a truthful answer from him whether can we still be best friends like how we used to be? If you can't tell me face to face, perhaps tell me in my dreams.

I was reading someone's blog recently who actually asked whether how you know when you are actually in love and how you know that it was not a rebound. Is it that easy to say "I Love You" and mean it ? To me, it is never easy as i know myself very well when i'm really in love with that person. It is a feeling which you just can't describe. Your heart starts beating fast when you are with that person and everything is so mutual as though you have known that person for years. Those who actually read my blog will always advise me to be realistic but sometimes it is just so hard to face reality. Sigh...I shall wait and see when this will happen to me once again or probably it will not even happen in the near future. Love is not important for now but it is something I can't live without.

I noticed something about me recently....hahha....i think I'm putting on weight. Though I can still wear my pants and skirts.....somehow my arms got bigger. Would it be due to badminton and swimming lately ?? hahah....I don't mind to have firmer arms. WTF !!! I'm just healthy and fit.

Fon

Fish Tank

2008-10-02T15:57:00.000+08:00

I miss the fish tank below......

Relationship is like maintaining the fish tank - it will never last !

Fon

A long raya break

2008-10-02T14:49:00.000+08:00

My company has been generous to let us enjoy an extra day off during raya and CNY. This year it was a continuous one from 1 to 3 Oct 2008 followed by a weekend so i have 5 days in total. It is indeed nice for having such a long break without the need of taking extra days off. This is the only year i think that i do not have any plans at all. Somehow i do have plans in mind but just too lazy to organize and moreover it involves $$$ so just forget it. I just have to be a good girl and stay @ home...in a way to save some money. I have been going online to read news, blogs and update my facebook. There are lots of reading to do and basically it will never end.

The last weekend I organized a birthday dinner for Bee and invited 3 of her close buddies (Stephers, Sharon and Saw Wen) to surprise her. I was glad that it worked out well especially for Bee. She deserved a blast birthday celebration. Stephers and Bee had blogged about it and most of the priceless moments were captured in their blog. Sweet ones !!

I don't think i can prevent myself for not thinking about the past especially when I'm all alone. It seems so hard to erase those memories away. Sigh...It got worse when seeing my ex putting up all sort of pics with his current girl. I was happy for him that he found someone new who can makes him happy and hope he could treat her well. Another part of me somehow felt so betrayed that he dumped me and got himself a new girl in such a short notice. He is indeed someone who can fall in love so easily. Perhaps, he has been the one to call it off in all his past relationships...that's why he could not feel the lost and also he is afraid of being lonely. Who doesn't feel it? who likes to be lonely? I don't think anyone out there wants to feel this way but sometimes we just have to accept the fact that it is happening. I was pretty shocked that a few weeks ago that he msg me over msn to ask me how am i. I did reply him to say that I'm doing fine which in fact i'm doing good. No doubt about it. Nevertheless, I just can't see myself carry any good conversation with him as I have lost faith in him even as a friend.

I do see some progress in my career move. After this raya, i hope to see more progress as it will be the time that i will have a word with my bosses. I need their support for my future career development. Hope all will turn out well. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that hope that I'm making a wise decision this time for myself. If i don't take the risk now, I will not know whether it will turn out well. I was never a risk taker and always want to play it safe. This time i hope i'm making a right choice. Even if it doesn't turn out well, I know I can still turn back and start all over again. It is somehow a right time to move especially i have no attachments or commitments that hold me back.

It has been like a month, I do not have a good conversation with him. He is leaving me in the dark as I do not know what is he thinking now. Does he still wants to be friends with me or hopes to ditch me away by giving cold shoulder to me? I do not know what i have done that he would treat me this way. It was partly my fault that I jump into conclusion too fast but is he aware that he has to take some responsibilities on this whole incident ? He held himself back after opened his door for me. Right now, I don't even care about pursuing further with him or not as it isn't important anymore but it is painful to lose a friendship that i just build. I still miss the good old conversations that we used to have and the stories we used to share. All i ask for is to maintain the friendship we used to have. Can we?

I can't wait to have a good swim later. Hope i could see a different perspective after dipping myself in the pool.

Fon

I Stay in Love with You

2008-10-01T23:06:00.000+08:00

Mariah Carey - I Stay In Love lyrics


Oh, baby Baby
I stay in love with you

Dying inside cause I can't stand it
Make or break up
Can't take this madness
We don't even
Really know why
All I know is baby
I try and try so hard
To keep our love alive

If you dont' know me
At this point
Then I highly
Doubt you ever will
I really need you
To give me
That unconditional love
I used to feel
It's no mistaking
We're just erasing
From our hearts
And minds
And I know we said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby I stay in love with you

And I keep on
Telling myself
That you'll come
Back around
And I try to front
Like "oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now
No matter what I do
But baby, baby I stay in love with you

Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na

Baby I stay in love with you
It cuts so deep
It hurts down to my soul
My friends tell me
I ain't the same no more
We still need each other
When we stumble and fall
How we gon' act
Like what we had
Ain't nothin' at all now
Hey What I wanna do is
Ride shotgun next to you
With the top down
Like we used to
Hit the block
Proud in the SUV
We both know
Our heart is breaking
Can we learn
From our mistakes
I can't last
One moment alone
Now go I know
We said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby I stay in love with you
And I keep on
Telling myself
That you'll come
Back around
And I try to front
Like "oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you
Now no matter what I do
Baby, baby I stay in love with you

We said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby I stay in love with you
And I keep onYelling myself
That you'll come
Back around
And I try to front
Like "oh well"Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you
Now no matter what I do
But baby, baby I stay in love with you
I stay in love
Love Oh, I stay in love

Song lyrics  I Stay In Love lyrics

Am i lucky ?

2008-09-30T20:45:00.000+08:00

I don't know exactly whether I'm lucky that I've met him or otherwise. I'm not in deep pain or hurt though I know that I'm losing him as a friend. Someone whom i thought could be my best friend for now or even until the day I die. Presently, I'm unable to describe our relationship. I thought it is a friendship but it does not fall in that category as we no longer have much conversation these days. I still miss those times when we could talk about everything under the sun. I have taken out my heart to be his honest friend but somehow he doesn't appreciate it. Sigh.... Again, I'm reminding myself that I deserve a better friend.

Lucky

Do you hear me,
Talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby
I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you,

I will Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Nevertheless, I'm lucky to have beautiful family members and wonderful girlfriends who always been there for me.

Fon

Mamma Mia

2008-09-21T22:16:00.000+08:00

I didn't talk to him for a day but it feels like years. We are drifting apart....sigh...

My weekend has been interesting. Usually back in uni days, my friends and i were stayed awake till 3 - 4 am to eat our favourite char siew fan or go yum char after tired of studying. Since then I have not experienced that until this morning. My crazy friend who was at the office till 3:30am called to wake me up so that i could lead him to my house as he wanted to fetch me to go all the way down town, Petaling Street. Apparently there is a famous porridge stall at Petaling Street which is opened from 5am to 9am daily. It was indeed good. I had fish porridge and it came as raw. I had to pour into the hot porridge to let it cooked. I feel like in HK...been to HK twice and had a lot of sweet memories there. My friend and I had a long chat about relationships - both of us had painful pasts but it was good to share so we could move on better that way. Well, we have moved on i would say just that the memories still there. something that you could not erase till the rest of our lives.

I went to watch the movie, Mamma Mia and it was good. I love the songs and of course the stars featured. I really can't wait for the musical this coming Dec. After the movie, I went for dinner with 2 of my malay ex-classmates. They break fast at 7:15pm. It has been a while that we didn't meet but still manage to chat a lot. I can't wait for our coming reunion on 8 Nov. Hope it will turn out good. I haven't seen many of them in ages - since we left high school...about 8 years! lots of catching up.

I can't believe my weekend is over and will have to drag myself to work tomorrow. I will have Monday blues again as usual.

Fon

2008 is a "break up" year

2008-09-14T01:21:00.000+08:00

Sigh...i hate to admit it but 2008 is not a good year for those who are in relationships. Beginning this year i was dumped and from my blog, you can see so many posts on my heartache. Since then every month i will hear break up stories from here and there. Tonight itself, i heard another 3 break up stories. I was trying to help them but yet they know the best what happened exactly. No one can help them except for standing up on their own. I have gone through that so i know how hard it is to go through the pain.

I lied if i said i don't miss him (not my recent ex...he had became my history...i'm happy that he is out of my life). I do miss him a lot and each day i will spend at least 30 seconds to think what he is doing and is he happy with his current life and does he miss me. Although i was hurt in the beginning when i knew he was holding back his feelings, i don't blame him for doing it as i don't own him. In fact, I'm just pissed that he actually thought i had made a wrong impression. He said I have made assumptions that we are "together". I admitted that I jumped into conclusion too fast but i think he should bear some responsibilities that he made me jumped into conclusion due to his actions and words. He somehow managed to convince me that his feelings for me are true and real. When i asked him again recently whether what he meant it seriously of what he had said to me previously. he didn't dare to answer me and all he said that it makes no difference now as he needs to settle his issues first. Well, i respect that. I'm hoping that he will do something right for himself. Yes, deep down inside me i wish we could end up together but as a friend, i hope he will love himself more and at least do the right thing for once for himself. I know it is easy to say than done. But life goes on so never lie to yourself when something isn't right. I hope he also realises what i actually feel deep down inside me too. I want you to be happy so if he also wants me to be happy, please feel for me and support me whatever paths I choose to take.

Fon

Dedicating this blog to someone who is still at work

2008-09-09T22:09:00.000+08:00

It was my bad to call you and didn't know that you are still at work. So sorry about that ! I was feeling a bit tired and want to talk to someone but not sure who else i could talk to since you have been a good friend so far to hear most of stories. I hope you can continue to be my good friend who can listen to me when i'm feeling happy or sad.

Sigh...the last time i worked till that late was like 2 - 3 years back during peak period. Actually the longest working hours i ever worked was about 36 hours straight without any sleep. I was in the office from 8am (Friday) till the next day 6pm (Sat). All i knew was after my colleague dropped me off at the bus stop and my sis picked me up to head home. All i could remembered was my sis asked me what i wanted for dinner. i didn't answer her after that as i had fell into deep sleep in the car and hit the bed once i reached home. It was horrible and i could imagine how exhausted i was. Prior to that, i had been sleeping at 1 or 2 am every night but woke up at 6am. It happened for 4 - 6 weeks consecutive and had a migraine attack in between. Because of that, my ex bf actually brought me to Malacca in one of the weekends for a retreat so i could get away from work and everyone. He was very sweet then. Unfortunately, we are no longer in talking terms. I do not know when this can be back to normal like how my first bf and I - surprisingly we can still be good friends ! I had lose someone who used to be my best friend but lately I think i'm losing another one. I'm praying hard so this won't happen to me again. Losing a good friend is equally bad as losing someone you love.

I know you are working hard now and won't even know that I'm writing this down. I want to remember this moment of time that I'm thinking of you and wishing you well. You work hard but please do take care of yourself. You'll always have my support whenever you need it. Good Night my dear friend ! May you have a pleasant night =)

Fon

Smashed it all out...

2008-09-06T00:36:00.000+08:00

I appear to be strong and firm but inside me is vulnerable and weak. Well, my heart still hurts but it will go away eventually. Last night I played badminton with my colleagues at Cobra Club, PJ. It was a good game especially i trashed all of them...haha....i felt bad but somehow i was so much better after the game. I headed straight to One U after the game to meet June as she wanted to shop for her mum's bday pressies. On the other hand, i was assigned to get farewell gifts for CY who will be leaving to UK for her MBA. It was a good shopping as i managed to buy what i wanted within everyone's budget. Hope CY will like it :) ! Looking forward to tomorrow's potluck party at Raz's place in Bukit Jalil. It's going to be fun to catch up with the rest of my ex- uni mates. yay !!!

I confronted him last night to tell him how i felt after the trip. He didn't appear to care much about it. Well, i felt better to let him know exactly how hurt i was and expected to lose him as a friend too. Sigh...within a short period, i just lost someone whom i care about a lot. There is nothing i could do and can be done as he needs to sort out his issues. Otherwise, both of us are heading no where and will end up feeling guilty and sorry for each other. No matter what, my journey to pursue my career in SG will not end here as it is something i want to achieve before i regret later.

It has been a busy week and i foresee more to come. Everyone is chasing me left and right to get the work done. It was crappy especially my relationship problem hit me at the same time. i seriously need to sit down calmly and sort it out one by one. It is countless and madness !! Arrghhhh.....my drive is gone each time i look at my workplace....files are everywhere and working papers / folders are pilling up (both completed and WIP). haha...life working in Big 4 !!! Sad but true :p i'm well known to have good memory but it's deterioting each day....arrrghhh...this is really GONE MAD.

Fon

Wonderful ppl out there, you know who you are ! Thanks :)

2008-09-03T00:06:00.000+08:00

As usual, I have my buddy cum lady boss to back me up when i'm in trouble, my ex-classmate who has always been there for me since we were 7, not forgetting my lovely cousin who actually read my blog. This blog is supposed to be low profile but at least i was thrown with some thoughts to stay more positive about things that are happening around me. Thanks for being there when i least expected it !

I got back to work today after my Bintan trip. It has been quite a busy day for me and unscheduled internal briefing about the recent budget announcement which had prevented me to catch up with some of my work when i was away. I have to work bit more harder tomorrow morning and hope to finish up part of my work before my next conference meeting at 2pm. Busy schedules are giving me the momentum to work towards my goal. Yes, i just need that spirit to keep myself going. One of my colleagues today initiated to organize a weekly badminton session and i'm so up for it. This is something that i have been waiting for....the "drive" to be influenced to do something. I just can't wait for my first ever badminton session with my beloved colleagues who have gone through thick and thin with me during my years in Deloitte. If I would to leave Deloitte M'sia one day, i will never forget you girls =). You girls are the ones who taught me what team work really is and the motivation to keep each other alive and kicking to bring up the team as the firm's million dollars asset. The power of J cluster !!!

Thought of blogging more but my brain is shutting down so i shall continue another day.

To all the selfish men out there, please remember that things go around will come back around. When you are so selfish, you will hurt a lot of your loved ones. Do think about it and act accordingly before it is too late.

Fon

I thought I will never cry over a guy....

2008-09-01T23:50:00.000+08:00

Well, I'm back home in Malaysia! Spent like 4 hours in total from Changi airport and now back home. I just left my luggage upstairs and came down to blog. There are so many things in my mind. This trip seriously has made me think so much about my future. What do i really want ? Where to start to get back on track? It has been a rocky year since beginning of this year. It started off by getting dumped from a guy whom I thought I will end up marrying. I was so hurt and down with misery for months with all the anger, betrayal, sorrows and loneliness until i got back on track with the support of my loved ones i.e. friends and family. Things began to look better especially after I met someone whom has so much influenced towards me. He has made me think a lot about my future especially my career path.

Yes, I want to change job and have been seeking opportunities to work elsewhere. In fact, i thought of getting a job in SG in view of the currencies earned there and SG has always been a safe country to live in. Apart from that, I'm in love with the guy who is currently based in SG and very unlikely he will be back in Malaysia in near future. Things turn out to be so much more complicated when i have yet to find any luck to even get an interview after sending in so many applications. He in turn tells me that I should not go over to SG unless the offer is good which is very true. Well, he has more working experience than i have and in fact I, being 26 is still behaving childishly which somehow indirectly turn him off. I know exactly what he is trying to tell me. He doesn't want to be selfish towards me and wants me to think about myself and love myself than anyone else. What about him ? he and his unresolved issues in his relationship. Yes, he did tell me that he loves and wants to be with me but he is not doing anything at all to prove to me that he is all for me. On the other hand, i have been trying to get things work out well for us. I only live once and if i don't fight for something i want badly and just give up, I know i will definitely regret one day. It may not be worth it to sacrifice for a man but that is exactly what i want. I just want to be with someone I love....is that wrong? unless he tells me that he doesn't love me at all and can never leave his gf. Gosh....complications and more complications. I'm stucked in between and if i get to choose, i would rather being his current gf who at least has a better position than I'm - refers as the other "woman".

Just now at the airport, I thought i will not cry but after browsing the pic of him in my ipod. My eyes became watery but I tried to hold it back as my gut feelings tell me that i should not give up and move on just like that. My heart hurts :( I used to believe in GOD a lot but after a bad break up, I chose not to believe in anything and just follow my instinct. However, I'm back to square one but no direction at all. Can someone out there drop me a hint what i should do? It is getting worst day by day......more and more misery moments. I just want to be loved...it's so simple but I fail to achieve it at all. :(

Fon

Through the rain

2008-09-01T01:31:00.001+08:00

My favourite song, Through the rain by Mariah Carey was playing in my ipod while i was on the ferry back from Bintan to Singapore. It was inspirational...hahah...though it was about a girl who has followed her heart to run away with the man she loves although her parents were against their relationship. No matter what against your dreams, as long as you have the heart to do it, you can definitely make it. This is the spirit I'm looking for.....where it is? i wonder...it has not hit me yet. I know i have a lot of things that i want to do but somehow i have not found the drive to keep it moving. i must find it soon to end the misery i'm facing. Like what Mariah's....we can make it through it the rain ! Yes, i will....definitely will !

It's the start of Sept...can't believe Aug just ended like that. I was trying to recall what had happened for the past few weeks but i can't. Everything seemed to be wiped off. I knew I enjoyed my stay at Bintan Island. The resort was fanstatic but the whole trip cost a bomb ! I felt very guilty for choosing that place though I didn't spend a single cent except for the ferry tickets. The whole trip has taught me a lesson too....better don't start enjoying luxury in life if you don't even know how to save and spend accordingly. I had made a promise to myself not to spend for unnecessary until end of this year before the trip. Money is hard to earn and hard to save too due to the economy downturn....sigh !!! So starting this month....no more spending and will stay at home more to pick up more reading. I find that gaining knowledge is something that you can't stop doing...you must do it until the day you breathe out your last breath.

It's time to keep myself back on track...i want a change...i have mention it so many times but nothing has changed so far. It's depressing.....i can say it but no action will not change anything. I better do it before it is too late. My future is determined by myself and no one else gives any answer to it.

Fon

My life has been busy

2008-08-14T22:53:00.000+08:00

I have been so busy lately until I don't have time to blog. It's indeed interesting....apart from work, I have been hanging out a lot with friends, family and colleagues. After so long I can finally feel that my life is back on track and things are getting more colourful.

I also got a new toy - IPOD NANO!!!! I have always wanted to get an Ipod. Somehow this time i was lucky as someone gave it to me as a gift. Thanks my rubber duckie for that :) I simply love it and it's the best gift ever this year. I just can't wait for our coming trip. FYI - I'm flying down to SG on 28th Aug and will be heading for an island getaway with someone special.

Things are quite tensed in the office lately and I can foresee the coming few weeks as our annual tax seminar will be held on 9 & 10 Sept - few days right after the budget announcement. Can't avoid but I'll be involved in the event. During these tensed week, I still try to spare some time to chill with my close friends at Breakers or Social to play pool. I'm just the beginner but it is getting addictive. Thanks to Naz and June for being such dedicated coaches. Not forgeting PS too...who is quite talented in any types of sports. Thanks for your patience and guidance. Appreciate it.

Time to hit the bed...i will blog more when the time comes :)

Fon

Being the other "person" isn't great at all

2008-07-23T00:28:00.000+08:00

I have been busy with my work ever since I came back from SG and obviously i tend to blog lesser. I'm quite sleepy right now but i insist to blog today as it has been kept in my heart for sometime so i have to blurt it all out.

In my previous blog, I mentioned that I'm falling in love again. Yes, I did fall in love again but somehow it turned out to be so complicated which I could not imagine that i'm actually caught in such situation especially when i know clearly that i'm the other "person" in someone's relationship. This is such a bad situation and now i realise why people can be so selfish when comes to relationship. I thought i won't be selfish but subconsciously i become more and more selfish each day and I really want to be with him since we both know that we love each other so much.

Since my SG trip, we have grown closer and closer each day and won't miss a single not talking to each other. It will be either through msn, sms or emails. If none of these take place, he would call me to make sure I'm alright. I was also glad that he came to look for me over the weekend and obviously we really miss each other a lot though we did not see each other for just 1.5 weeks. However, nothing has changed as the problem is still there and has yet to resolve. He still belongs to someone else and I'm here waiting and is left miserable with the hope that one day we could be officially together. When will be the day ? or perhaps there will never be the day? sigh....why? why it has to be like this especially when we know so clearly that we want to be with each other so badly but we have to go through this as if God is putting a test on us? I do not know how long i can take this as i can start to feel that this is merely a hope and may not even happen at all.

I want to have a change of environment but till now nothing has happened. It is getting stressful when i have yet to receive any developments about my job applications in SG. It is worse when I find out that my ex is living a happier life than me. All the reasons my ex gave me when he broke up with me were all bullshits....flashed back in my car :-

G : Lets not go into the house first and lets talk.
J : Oh no...please don't do this to me !
G : I have to be honest with you....I have lost the feeling in our relationship. It has been a long time and I do not have a solution for it. I can't see myself bringing our relationship to another level. I do not want to waste your time. I also can assure that i will definitely fall for someone else one day and if i would to go out with another girl one day and if you happen to bump into me, you definitely can't take it as you are a good girl and in fact too good for me.
J : No...i can't take this !! There must be a solution for this.
G : I do not want to be attached and I just want to be single. I find that it is not healthy anymore as you have been so compromising all the time. It takes two to clap but somehow it looks as though it's one sided and clear enough you love me so much and willing to do anything for me. Or i should say that i don't love you enough to keep you.
J (in tears) : I don't find it wrong to be compromising all the time as i love you. When you love someone, you will tend to compromise to make things work in a relationship.
G : I already have no solution for this. If you can figure it out, please tell me as i won't even bother to find anymore solutions. If you want, we can still try out for another week or even a month but i can tell you that my decision won't change and i have said what i want to say. You better go back and think about it thoroughly. It is not easy for to do this but I have to do it as i do not want to hurt you any further.
J : I'm speechless and broken hearted.

........in less than few months, my ex hooked up with someone new whom i knew about her existence even before we broke up. Why does he want to lie to me by saying that he doesn't want to be attached when he somehow already has the feeling that he will definitely fall for someone else? It was so tough to go through the days without him and was left miserable with the thought that we could get back together. He just messed up with my feelings by telling me that we could still go out as friends. Well, it didn't happen for long especially when he has someone new now. Again and again he will reject my invitations and try to ignore me. We no longer have good conversations like we used to even when we were just friends but now left with multiple rejections and cold shoulder. He also embarrassed me in front of his girl though i do not have any intentions at all but just being friends. If he didn't want me as his friend, just F*** off out of my life rather than treating me worse than a friend. He seriously doesn't deserve me as I deserve better.

After what happened to me, it makes me believe in Karma even more. It reminded me the time I broke up with my first bf. It also happened when a new guy came into my life. My situation now is exactly like that new guy (who became my 2nd bf) as he was being the other "person" in my relationship. He knew he wanted me which i had to make a choice to leave my first bf to be with him. I felt so bad, guilty and heartless that time. Though it was such a pain to hurt someone else but I had to do it in order for me to be with someone whom i love even more. Without any second thought or even think about what are the consequences, i made the decision with no regrets. Yes, i had hurt my first bf to take the risk to be someone else whom I thought he was the one for me and again i was wrong when he broke my heart after 3 years 3 months and 23 days together. I can feel the pain that my first bf had experienced when I broke his heart about 4 years back. What goes around comes around......it's like a neverending cycle and now i'm trap in between someone else's relationship. My current guy is just too nice and good to hurt anyone around him. It's either me and her but i'm far worse off since we barely know each other long enough to make him decide that he wants to be with me more than her. Love makes people to behave selfishly as i personally do not find it wrong to strive for something which means so much to me. Opportunity doesn't knock on our door anytime. It can either bring pain or happiness, no one knows unless you experience it. Sometimes fate just can't stop meddling.......evil but true.

Sigh....relationship is complicated and crappy !!!! perhaps I could live better off without the word LOVE. I just hate love....

Fon

Uniquely Singapore

2008-07-12T22:12:00.000+08:00

The reason why i stop blogging as i was too excited for my singapore trip but it is all over now. I'm back to reality !!!

Well, being away for few days.....my work piled up !! I've been working late for the past few days. Nah...i'm not going into details. It's better i talk about my SG trip. The last time i went to SG is like 3 years back. Somehow this time i went to different places and not to miss is we ATE a lot :). I must thank my great host, TW who has been such an angel to me when i was there. It was truly a memorable trip. He brought me to Science Park, Snow City, Sentosa Island and Vivo City. We even tried fanstatic food at a few fancy restaurants like Wakaru (Jap), Dian Xiao Er (Chinese), Pretzel & Raspberry (German/Western), Barnacles (Western) and Marche (fusion). I will never forget such great eating experience especially with someone who also loves to eat. TW also introduced a good friend of his, KT who is really funny and friendly. I enjoyed both of their company at Wala Wala @ Holland V. They really made me in the mood to have some booze - Little Creatures Bright Ale, Sangria White (my fav cocktail) and Lychee Martini. woo hooo......Love it ! Hope to have such session again soon.....

There are so many things I want to share about my SG trip but I don't know where to start. I guess I will just keep it inside my memories - unforgettable memories. Happy moments should be buried deep down inside my heart. How good to have such experience in which you wake up in the morning and someone has prepared breakfast for you and every morning, you will get at least a glass of fruit juice next to your bed.....hahah....i'm such a lucky b*tch !! Probably, I'm in fantasyland again....muhahahahahaha......

oh...i forgot to mention about Disney's Beauty and The Beast, The Broadway Musical which i watched on 29 June 2008. It was superb....i always like musical play. It's entertaining and the performance is always up to a certain standard - to sum it all, high class ! I still remember the first time i watched beauty and the beast cartoon. I watched with my best friend, HY that time with her mum at the cinema. We were only in Standard 4. I was carried away there then when Belle and beast had their first dance together at the balcony. As usual, i was fantasizing that one day my prince charming will be doing the same. hahha...daydreaming is my fav past time ever since i was young. That's why I could remember almost every single thing that i experienced since young. Perhaps, this is a gifted ability from God to me :p. I should make good use of it. Probably it's not a good thing at all to have such good memories.

My parents are in Taipei now.....wish this trip was planned earlier then i could follow them there. They used up my second sis's last free tickets since she has resigned from MAS to go back to IT industry. However, I'm happy for my parents as they should seriously enjoy themselves since they had been enough of hard times to raise all 4 of us up. In fact, my sis has free tickets for them every year but they hardly use it every year. I think so far, they only been to Europe, Hong Kong, Shenzen, Macau, Argentina, South Africa and now Taiwan though my sisters were in MAS for almost 10 years.

uhuh...my fav song by Martina McBride is playing - Somewhere Over Rainbow. Just imagine this song is played when you are with someone you love dearly at a cosy place. so sweet....aww......

Fon

Ocean Size Love - Leigh Nash

2008-06-29T14:47:00.000+08:00

Just got this piece from a friend....

I know what I'm doing may be dumb
I know I should not be staring at the sun
But the thought of you leads me to temptation
It's the same whatever side you're on
Separated we are delicate and small
And the space between, needs our attention
I see you right in front of me, as close as you can get
And I pray that you won't leave, this daydream yet

And it might seem much too far, to get back to where you are
But it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love

I don't have to worry any more
If I really need you I'll go to the shore
And the thought of you there is my protection
I see you right in front of me, a vision in my head
And I know this is as real, as a daydream gets

And it might seem much too far, to get back to where you are
But it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love

You make no sound, but I can hear you in the wind
I can see this never ends, like the sea, like you for me

And it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love
And it might seem much too far, to get back to where you are
But it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love

Oh, oh...

Am I still miserable or I already have an answer?

2008-06-28T02:55:00.000+08:00

I just got home not long ago and had a long day today.....surprisingly I'm not sleepy at all. Perhaps, it was because i just got out from the shower and I have the urge to write and express my current feelings. As usual, I'm waiting for my hair to dry as the stupid hair dryer that i have didn't work that well. I should not have invested on cheap hair dryer. I shall wait whether i could redeem a hair dryer from my credit card points or bonuslink points.

Work was OK today....not much issues with clients. I headed to Modesto at Hartamas after work for IAFG (Inter Accounting Firms Games) Kick Off Dinner. IAFG will start officially this Monday (30 June 2008). Most of the players and sports club members were there, It was my first time attending the dinner. It went well and the ambience was good - spacious with good music. The food was not bad as well since the menu was chosen by my beloved boss :). Unfortunately, she wasn't there to join us as she is currently in Guangzhou with her family. It was her Bday - 27 June 2008 ! As usual, many ppl turned out late and the event was started at about 8:30pm. I tagged along with PS today and we reached there quite early - at around 7:20pm. I mingled around with him and other colleagues who arrived earlier while waiting for my other colleagues to come.

Since I didn't drive and PS also had to leave earlier, I got TW to pick me up from Modesto at around 9:45pm. TW had asked me out to have drinks a day earlier. He came back from SG unexpectedly to settle some issues and will be heading back to SG tomorrow morning. After fetching, we headed to Starbucks at Uptown since my car was there. It was easier for me to pick up my car later. I'm a green tea person so I ordered Green Tea Latte which is my current fav at Starbucks as I can't take coffee to avoid having headache. TW ordered his blended coffee. We sat down and chit-chatted until the shop closed. I think around 3 hours. We chatted about lots of things but i know we can still continue. If time allows us, we will be chatting non stop until we fall asleep. Since it was pretty late, we were hungry and had hokkien mee hoon mee and cantonese kuey teow for supper.

I like talking to TW but somehow it is not a good thing as i can feel that we are so alike which makes me have a different feeling. It is so comfortable as though i feel he isn't more than just a friend but someone whom i have known for so long and someone whom i want to be with to share my ups and downs. However, my instinct tells me he isn't ready to move another step forward with me since he still considered "attached". I have mixed feelings too. One side of my brain tells me that i should open my heart but the other side of my brain tells me to keep my close for the moment rather than being hurt or disappointed all over again. Was it better for me not to be so close to him anymore? Well, I'll be seeing him again in SG next Friday and will be spending couple of days together to tour around SG. Probably, this whole thing is just an one-sided relationship where I begin to fall for him but he just likes me as a friend. Why things must be so complicated? Can't it just lets us meet and love at first sight ? It will be hard too if I really can't get a job in SG and TW is very sure himself that he will want to stay in SG for long. I wish i could change my current environment. It's getting mundance and when I have met someone I thought it's rather perfect for me, I will have to face the challenges i.e. whether he is also into me? whether i could possibly move to SG to develop things further in terms of career and also relationship ? whether it this really what i want or just a temporary feeling where i just need someone ? etc etc etc....there are no straight forward answers to this !

But hardly I can actually find someone whom i feel so comfortable talking to. I think I have to control my feelings as I really do not want to lose him as a friend too. It's weird that I have been dreaming about him lately. The first dream i had about TW was really surprising and refreshing. I didn't expect that he actually whispered to me in my dream that he really likes me and want to be with me. Haha...it must be my own fantasy and imagination since i have stronger feelings against him more than he has for me. I woke up in shock and was slapped back to reality that it may not even happen. Jane, please wake up! If I keep living in fantasyworld, I will be miserable forever.

Fon

My HEART is beating fast

2008-06-23T23:11:00.000+08:00

I have been pretty lazy to blog. Actually, I have a lot of things to blog about but somehow too many things...sigh...better keep inside and left unsaid. Probably, when it hits me again I will blog about it. haha..

As you can see my blog subject today, my heart has been beating very fast lately. The rhythm is madness. I can feel like lots of mixed feelings. No doubt about it that I'm happy but at the same time it is aching. yes....it is linked to my past. Time to put it all my past behind as it is a history. I know the present is a gift and will be a blessed one...definitely a good one. Everyone who cares about me is so right that things will be better and better if I stop looking back but looking ahead. Someone out there has certainly trying to open up my heart again to be myself and to love again. Not sure how true to be true. I think I'm in love again.... =)

Fon

All by myself this weekend

2008-06-14T23:24:00.000+08:00

I just got frustrated over MSN lately as it gets harder to connect and sometimes it just gets disconnected several times or the messages were not sent across to another party. Well, guess it is also time for me to getto a new pc or laptop. Due to financial issues, this thought will have to be postponed.

I can't believe that this whole weekend i never plan anything. I'm stuck in the house whole day long and obviously didn't do anything productive. I have not been blogging for one whole week due to laziness and still catching up with my readings. I had some cleaners to clean the house and tomorrow will be a laundry day. I have to do laundry as well as ironing my clothes. I just hate ironing clothes. I don't mind to pay someone to do it. anyone??

Last night I was out with Stephy and her friend, Vida. It was actually to celebrate Stephy's belated birthday. We had dinner at Chillis, Mid Valley. I was running late but managed to buy her some roses as her belated birthday gift. It was a great gift as apparently she has not been receiving flowers for very long time. Flowers just spice up someone's day ! I didn't order anything extra at Chillis as Stephy ordered so much food which can feed at least 4 persons.

Dinner was good but imagine 3 girls can't decide where to hang out after that. I was a bit stoned due to lack of sleep lately and my brain was dead. Initially, we thought of chilling at Bangsar and last minute plan changed to Poppy Garden, KL since Daniel wanted to go there. I tailed Vida's car to Poppy. We reached there about 10:30pm and the place was still quiet. The cover charge was Rm35 and I had vodka lime which wasn't very nice as it was too sweet. Too much lime and I had to get the bartender to add ice. Daniel and his friends came late and Stephy had to be home by midnight. The moment we said hi to Daniel and his friends plus one round of whisky coke, we had to leave. My mood to club just started but for Stephy's safety sake, we leave together with her. It was a good excuse for me to be home early and sleep early. However, I wasn't so comfortable to hang out with Daniel's friends as they aren't that friendly and i rate them as "weirdos". Hope Daniel is not reading this.

Once again...I'm going through miserable moments. No one to blame but I have asked for it. I know it's shitty but I just can't let go as I seriously want to treasure the present and do not want to think far ahead. G is avoiding me lately. I wasn't sure what happens between us but to sum it all, it's complicated. He wanted to be friends initially but yet he is staying away from me. He is only nice to me whenever he wants something from me but whenever i want to look for him as friends, he is avoiding me totally and been giving me excuses that he is busy. I believe that he is busy with work plus having stress cough (this cough will always stick to him when he is stressed up) but up to the extend that he doesn't reply my sms at all. I begin to doubt myself, am I that hateful ? What's wrong ? I love him as a friend regardless how he had treated me before this. Don't I deserve another chance to be at least good friends since you have been telling everyone that we are still good friends? I admit that I'm weak but been mistreated is seriously torturing. I have told him earlier that if we ever break up, we will never be friends and he assured me that we will. Look at all the mess between us...does he realise that ? How can he be so cruel towards me after been with him for 3 years 3 months and 23 days. I don't care what's going to happen in future but my love for him will never be less. I seriously treasure him and obviously it was painful for him to end this relationship after I have put in so much but looking at the bright side, he is doing it for my own good. What good will that be if he has to treat me this way and let me move on with broken hearts which are scattered everywhere ?

Fon

Books !!

2008-06-07T16:52:00.000+08:00

Well, what's more to come after fuel increased by 40% ??? Just have to face it and try to save for future use.

I have been quite lazy to blog these days. Actually there are a lot of things to talk about. Before I blog, I ended up reading other blogs which basically talk about what I wanted to share. To prevent repetition, I will talk about something else.

Last night I went to watch Kung Fu Panda with CY, Bee, KS and PS. Basically, I introduced PS to my usual Subang friends. Everything went well and it's good that everyone is comfortable to hang out. Kung Fu Panda is hilarious and worth watching. We love it so much and of course we had non stop of laughters. Jack Black played the voice over as Panda who is so adorable and now I feel like hugging him especially the big fat belly he has. In the movie, Panda, Po will eat whenever he feels upset. I'm the total opposite. I can't eat whenever I'm upset which makes it worst as I feel suffer gastric after that. Every individual has his/her own way to heal sadness and celebrate happiness. Just have to do something that can make you feel better.

After our movie, we went for drinks at Anggerik at USJ2 (our usual hang out place after movie at Summit). It's still the same and always so crowded. Anggerik serves nice Nasi Lemak but all of us were too full so just ordered drinks. In fact, drinks are not cheap anymore. It costs RM2 per glass / mug. Imagine a teh O ice limau is like RM2 ?? Last time we used to pay like 80 cents. Things are getting more and more expensive but we are still get the same salary amount each month. It's depressing to think about it. Sigh...

Bee just lent me some novels to read. Actually, I have stop reading for a long time. Guess it's time to pick reading again. I'll start off with "where rainbow ends" by Cecelia Ahern (the author for P.S, I Love You....ahem not my friend PS). I know I will be hooked with books after this. I still many reading materials to cover...my backdated cleo, female and reader digest. I have to be determine to spend at least 1 - 2 hours a day to read before I hit to bed. Otherwise, I will never finish reading all.

This also tells me that my blogging time will be reduced as well. I'll definitely share out my thoughts if I found something good to share. GOOD THINGS MUST SHARE!

Fon

Yesterday....

2008-06-07T16:28:00.000+08:00

It's a brilliant song and how emo i can be it's all because of this song.....

Yesterday - By Leona Lewis

I just cant believe your gone
Still waitin for mornin to come
When I see if the sun will rise, in the way that your by my side
Well we got so much in store
Tell me what is it im reaching for
When were through building memories i'll hold yesterday in my heart
In my heart

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that we never play
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday

You always choose to stay
I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what the future holds, or least where the story goes
I never believed untill now
I know i'll see you again im sure
No its not selfish to ask for more
One more night one more day one more smile on your face
But they cant take yesterday

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that we never play
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday

I thought our days would last forever
But it wasnt our destiny
Cause in my mind we had so much time, but I was so wrong
No I can believe that I can still find the strength in the moments we made
Im lookin back on yesterday

End the month of May with a blast !

2008-06-01T18:25:00.000+08:00

May is my favourite month - maybe I was born in the month of May ?

There were ups and downs throughout the month of May. I was sad and happy at the same time but overall I ended it with a blast especially managed to spend some time with my buddy, MY as I would not know where we both will be heading to after this. Most probably, she will not be in Malaysia whereas I will be stagnant here. I just feel that my career opportunities are getting limited unless I don't mind pay cut. Truthfully, I can't survive with pay cut. sigh....money money money....it's never enough =(

Both MY and I had facial appointments. After my facial, I went to service my car. Luckily, everything is alrite. Thought I could rest a while in the afternoon but I ended up watching a movie on Star Movies, The Guardian which starred Ashton Kutcher and Kevin Costner. It was a inspiring movie. After the movie, I took my shower and dressed up for my outing with MY. She always has been very adventurous. We just headed to KL without knowing what's for dinner but for sure we will be attending Hennessy Artistry at Aloha Club, KL as Ling Ling asked us to join her there with her friends.

Since I know that Ian was part of the organizing team for Hennessy Artistry so I did ask him whether we could get VIP passes. Well, he was kind enough to offer the VIP passes to me. I really appreciate it. When we were near Jalan Alor, I think the road should be Jalan Tengkat Thong Shin, we saw the restaurant, Sao Nam which MY had tried before about 2 years back. Since we found a parking right in front of the restaurant, we decided to eat there. It was an old house which turned into a restaurant (pic below).

When we entered the restaurant, most of the tables were reserved but luckily there was one more table for two of us. It is a vietnamese cuisine restaurant and obviously I will grab my chance to have my vietnamese coffee. French music were played and they also offer French wines. After browsed through the menu, we ordered spring rolls, beef noodle (pho) and duck with tamarind sauce. The food was awesome. The food was as good as what I had in Vietnam. In fact, most of the customers there are foreigners. Guess it was because they serve wines there. Overall, the restaurant has very nice ambience especially for candlelight dinner.

After our dinner, we went to Aloha Club, Jln P Ramlee for the Hennessy Artistry. When we reached there, it was about 10pm. It was not very crowded yet. After we got out VIP passes, we went straight up to Level 2 and we were also lucky enough to get a table. Since the rest have not arrived, so MY and I just hanged around and some waiters served us drinks. For VIP guests, the drinks were free flow for the whole night. They only have two choices i.e. Hennessy Shanghai and Hennessy Miami (pic below). Both were equally good. Though I'm not a big fan of Hennessy but somehow the mix makes the drink taste better. The place got crowded and crowded but at least we manage to walk around with our drinks and also danced the whole night long.

Ling Ling and her friends came about 10:30pm. They were a bunch of nice ppl to hang out with as they know their limits and will not do funny stuffs to spoil the night. The performance from Point Blanc and Bangkok Invaders started at about 11pm. It was awesome. Though the music played thereafter wasn't very upbeat, we still enjoyed ourselves. It was crazy but I was happy as I always like to club especially with a bunch of friends I'm comfortable with. We left the club at about 2am and when i reached home, it was 3am. I'm physically tired but somehow I could not fall asleep. Don't know why. Probably my sleeping time has passed.

To sum it all, I ended the month of May with a blast =). No regrets

Fon

Our Belated Birthday Celebration

2008-05-29T22:34:00.000+08:00

Finally MY and I went to celebrate our belated birthday together at Miyako Japanese Restaurant, Sheraton Subang Hotel. Luckily i managed to borrow the Starwood priviledge card to enjoy 50% discount for the food that we ordered. The food was good and we tried our very best to finish up but still have some leftovers. Nevertheless, we both were happy to enjoy the food as well as had a good chat. Whenever we meet, we can just talk and talk non stop. That's why we are buddies. I just want to enjoy the time i have with MY. She is such a great friend to me and not sure where we will be heading to after this. Since we are fated to be friends, i treasure this friendship very much and will try to catch up with each other as much as possible.

Time flies...weekend is coming and I'm excited about it as don't need to work but can loiter around. I always wanted to go out but each time also will face the difficulties to organize and plan things. Sigh....everyone will end up asking each other, what you want to do ? Why life just get so mundance ? I'm kinda sick of it....each day also has to think what to eat, what to do and sometimes i feel life is so miserable and meaningless as though i don't have anything to look up to and keep my life going. I'm just 26 but has already started to find life is meaningless. Sigh....sigh...sigh....Life sucks ! = (

Fon

Refreshing News

2008-05-25T22:52:00.000+08:00

Oh yes, MY came back from Australia (her surprise trip by her bf) last Tue. I have not met up with her yet but we have been emailing each other and talking on the phone. Well, TAC proposed to her when they were in Aust. It was truly romantic. From Limo to helicopter ride and candle light dinner with Diamond ring (Hearts on Fire). I can imagine her overwhelmed feelings that time and truly unforgettable. Congratulations to MY and TAC !! You both will definitely have my blessings.

Yesterday, CY also confessed to me and BC that she was offered to do her MBA in UK in Sept. It's another refreshing news especially from one of close buddies. CY had tried to apply for her MBA course sometime last year and finally she got the offer. BC and I were happy for her. We will miss her as she will be away to UK for a year. It will be a goal for me to visit her by next year when she is there...hopefully ! Looks like being 26th is so called our prime age....everyone who is about my age seem to have made some important decisions and plans...either marriage or career development. When will be my turn ? I hope I can announce some refreshing news soon...i seriously need a change in my current life as it's getting mundance and can be quite depressing if i put it in a negative perspective.

Fon

Dream Big

2008-05-25T15:53:00.000+08:00

When I was a little boy.
I swore that I would change the world when I grew up.
Nothing else would be enough.

I see it everyday.
We settled for safe.
And lose ourselves along the way.

But if you don't dream big,
What's the use of dreaming?
If you don't have faith,
There's nothing worth believing.
It takes one look
To make the stars worth reaching for.
So reach out for something more.

It took a well perfected plan
For me to finally understand
That it's not me.
Faith is something you can't see.

I wiped my tears away.
Now its time for a change.
No I can't waste another day.

'Cause if you don't dream big,
What's the use of dreaming?
If you don't have faith
There's nothing worth believing.
It takes one look
To make the stars worth reaching for.

'Cause if you don't have faith,
What's the use of dreaming?
If you don't have faith
There's nothing worth believing.
It takes one look.
To make the stars worth reaching for.
So reach out for something more.

By David Cook

My Love Will Get You Home

2008-05-25T15:06:00.000+08:00

Slept at 8am this morning as I insisted to finish up the tvb drama series, hearts of greed. It took me like a month to finish up the whole series. So last night I watched 15 episodes one shot. no doubt it was tiring but i'm happy that it is finally over. It was indeed very dramatic and i have cried so many times in few scenes which were incredible touching. Sigh....usually i don't cry over drama series like that. It reminded me so many things especially my past relationship. The last time i ever cried for series like this was the korean drama called, Autumn in my heart during uni days.

Love is blind and love is unconditional......love indeed makes someone suffers if it's not carefully controlled and handled. When you love someone, you will do everything just to make someone happy. Some may think that it doesn't worth doing anything for someone who doesn't love you as much as you love him/her. But i truly believe that feeling is sincere and it comes naturally from the bottom of your heart to do anything to make the one you love happy. Even that person doesn't love you anymore, the memories that you both had will stay on forever and you wish the very best for him/her and may he/she finds the happiness in life. One thing for sure, my love for HIM will never be less as it has been buried deep down inside my heart to keep the special place for him.

My Love Will Get You Home

If you wander off too far, my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever feel ashame, my love will get you home.
If its only you to blame, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

Fon

Image is Power

2008-05-24T19:41:00.000+08:00

It took leave on Tuesday (20 May) and it was totally unproductive as i didn't do anything at all except sitting in front of pc whole day long chatting with friends and facebooking. I did something a little bit productive was updating my resume online. Since I have started work about 4 years back, I have not been updating my resume. While updating, i also browsed through jobstreet to see what are the current job offers. Nothing better to do, i actually submitted my resume to a few companies to try out my luck if there will be any calls to attend any interviews. Truthfully, I have started to explore to see where do i actually stand with about 4 years work experience.

I went back to work on Wed (21 May). I wasn't very motivated to work but just have to clear up my work which I need to. Speaking about that, i have quite a lot of outstanding tasks that I have not done and the deadline is end of this month....sigh....nevertheless, i just have to dread myself to get things started before my boss nags at me...well she has not nagged at me so far as I have been able to deliver my work before the deadline. :p

The American Idol (Season 7) ended on Thursday and yes, my favourite idol, David Cook was crowned as Season 7 American Idol. I admire his talent and he does have the charisma of being a singer. To add on...he is cute too ! This year AI was awesome...lots of nice songs =). Can't wait for the next season which is one year from now.

Yesterday, my company Sports Club organized a movie day for us at Cineleisure. We managed to register ourselves early to get good seats for Indiana Jones. Since some of my colleagues can't make it, I offered the extra tickets to Bee and Jen Ping. Since Bee forgot to bring her hp and was caught in a meeting last minute. She and Jen Ping came late as they also can't find each other at the Kelana Jaya LRT station. They came in 1 hour late for the movie and managed to watch the second half. Sometimes when you never expect this kind of drama to happen, it is bound to happen ! sigh...Overall, the movie is good ! harrison ford was still so cool though he isn't young anymore.

After the movie, Michelle and I headed to The Social, Bangsar to join June and my biggest client for drinks. My client and June were there earlier with other friends for dinner. I ordered a glass of beer (Heinekein) and Michelle ordered her forever favourite, Stout and she wanted in warm instead. The songs played last night was crappy. I didn't like it at all plus need to entertain my client who can quite irritating. Nevertheless, we just have to suck it all up since it is our million dollars account. My client got very happy last night and bought me and Michelle another round of beer and stout. The waiter gave me a bigger glass this time. We were all chatting and my client accidentally spilled my beer. I was happy as I don't need to finish it up but he felt bad and wanted to order a new glass. Luckily I stopped him. Shortly after that, Michelle and I left as we were getting too bored and tired to entertain him. When I got home, it was about 2am and were smsing Taki for fun before i washed up and went to bed.

Oh yes...how could i ever forget. June signed us up for a Corporate Grooming and Etiquette Workshop (1/2 day) which was hosted by our HR Dept. The image consultant was Dolly Kee from Image Power. Initially, we were pretty turn off when we saw her pic as it was like some pic taken in late 80's. However, when we met her in real life, she is indeed a lady who carries herself well in corporate world and professionally groomed with full confidence. The session was fun and indeed learnt a lot about the beauty of being groomed professionally and building self confidence. Dolly owns a company called Image Power. The website is http://www.imagepower.com.my/. After the session, I truly believe that Image is Power and always know how to make decision at the right time. There is no second chance for first impression !

Just came back from massage at Chakras. It was a good one ! I'm still deciding whether i will be joining MY and TAC for drinks tonight. The feeling is worse when you know that none of your friends can make it. sigh....counting the time now...

Fon

A Walk with Buddha

2008-05-20T01:11:00.000+08:00

May 19 - It's wesak day ! I always like wesak day as I think i'm able to find peace on this day. Though I'm a buddhist but I have not been to any of the dharma classes or even know a lot about buddhism. I respect this religion and i do believe Buddha does exist. That's all I can say.

Today, I joined Bee to attend the procession at Maha Vihara Buddhist Temple in Brickfields. It was my time joining the procession since the last time i did was during my time in KT. The procession started at 7pm. We were walking from the temple and went straight down to Dataran Merdeka before making a turn back to the temple. It sounded near but it wasn't. It took us 3 hours to walk while holding the lotus candles which cost us RM5 each. There was also a stranger just gave us some christsanthemum while wished us Happy Wesak Day during the walk. Though it was tiring but I find it meaningful. As i walked, i prayed that we will live in harmony. Both Bee and I also chatted a lot. Basically, we were catching up with each other since the last time i saw her was a month ago. The theme for this year's wesak celebration is “Creating a Harmonious Society with Compassion and Equality”. Hope this theme is achievable. I have been reading daily news on what happen to people in this world. So many natural disasters....few years back was Tsunami and lately Cyclone in Myanmar and the more recent was the earthquake that hit Sichuan. So many lives were taken in such a short period. not hundreds but thousands. It's sad that we can't do much but watch. I have given out some donations in terms of cash through my company's donation drive. Though not much but I hope it will at least help those who have survived.

Before joining Bee for the procession, Jeff asked me for lunch and joined him for the movie "The Chronicles of Narnia - Prince Caspian". It was my first time watching Narnia as i missed out the previous episode. It was worth watching though =).

Just dipped my tiring legs with Lavendar Salt which was given to me by Bee. She bought it from Prague when she was in Germany for holidays. Pampering myself is something I always wanted to do. hehe...

Fon

A day filled with joy and peace

2008-05-18T14:06:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I brought my parents and bro for lunch at our favourite pan mee shop in Puchong. Basically, my parents like to enjoy the chinese tea there. Unfortunately, my dad was caughing so he can't drink much. We had a great lunch and when the bill came, they overcharged us by RM35. Luckily i checked the bill. The tea was suppose to cost RM2.80 but they charged us RM38. Phew...managed to get the refunds back and the lady boss there came to apologize to us. If they are rude, I will not go back there again.

After lunch, i came home to dress up as my friend, Stephy asked me to accompany her at Sunway Pyramid. After fetching my sis to her friend's house in BU, i headed to sunway. Thought i was late but somehow i'm the first who arrived after wasted some time looking for parking. When Stephy came, she went to try out some dresses as her company annual dinner is coming soon - THEME "Oscar's Night". She tried a few and shortlisted one. About 5pm, Daniel and his friend, Lai came to join us. We went to collect our movie tickets to watch "What Happens in Vegas" starring Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher. Before we went into the cinema, we managed to grab Baskin Robbins ice cream. yummy !

The movie was indeed hilarious and I love it so much. I love the storyline and drooling over Ashton Kutcher...hahah....well i never like him but he was good in that movie. Daniel and Lai left about 15 mins before the movie ends as Daniel has to rush back to KL for a wedding dinner. Somehow yesterday was a good day for wedding. I have a few friends also attended wedding. After the movie, Stephy and I went to Sakae Sushi for dinner. It was my first time trying out Sakae Sushi. I only tried Sushi Zanmai and I thought it was good enough. We had a pleasant dinner together. It always nice when you have a nice friend to talk to while enjoying dinner.
We two are evil too as we also bought some accessories from Diva - it was on 50% and is irresistable ! I was happy as finally manage to get some long dangling necklaces for myself. Can't wait to wear them....

After that, we went to check out Coco Banana, a new club just opened in Sunway. It was apparently from the QBar management. Since it was early so there was no cover charge so we just went in to check out the place. It was a nice place with sophisticated deco. It will be a nice club to hang out with bunch of good friends. Stephy's bf tagged along as he came early to fetch Stephy home. We sat outside instead of inside Coco Banana and ordered Vodka Lime. We left about 10 plus. It was pretty jam at the carpark as it took about 20 mins to leave Sunway.

When i reached home, Taki called me as he was up to go for drinks with me after a wedding reception. We were suppose to go to Swenson but it was closed when he reached there. So we ended up in McD at SS15. It was nice chatting with him. We talked about work, religion and food of course. I think we spent almost 2 hours chatting while enjoying our decent drinks....hahah....Taki is indeed mature in terms of his thinking. He is someone i look up to =). Well, he is going back to SG tomorrow. Hope to catch up with him again soon. Yes, i may consider my career in SG if good opportunities arise. When i reached home last night, it was about 2 plus in the morning.

This morning I woke up early to fetch my parents to the airport as they are heading back my hometown. My dad can't stay here long and worse if he doesn't have his own car here. Now, i have two cleaners to clean the whole house....with such a hot weather, i feel so lazy to go out.

Fon

Teacher's Day

2008-05-16T23:37:00.000+08:00

May 16 - It's teacher's day !

It also reminded me of a very funny incident when i was in Form 2 during a teacher's day celebration in school. Usually, there are a few clubs in school will organize flower selling so the students will buy and give it to the teachers they like. somehow i received one too myself. It was from a classmate of mine who had a crush on me. hahah...it was such an embarassing moment. I was teased left and right by my classmates. Apparently, that guy thought i had a crush on him too as i noticed he tried to look at me whenever i'm not looking. Sigh...it was really a huge misunderstanding. Since the incident, i never talk to him at all and he also avoided me. Luckily nothing happened since then. Though we aren't close anymore but we still keep each other in friendster as friends. Though it's embarassing but it makes me miss my schooling days so much. I cherished my childhood and what I've been through.

This whole week is a hectic week for me at work and also unexpected crisis just happened in the same week. Everyone in the office is so stressed up especially my boss. One crisis after another....nevertheless, all have been settled but we are praying hard that we will not lose our biggest client just because of that. What makes us even more pissed is that the client did not feel appreciative at all although we managed to settle everything within a day. Well, we have already given the best to them. If they still want to be pissed at us, we have nothing to say. It's their problem ! Who cares...i always believe that once we have put our best foot forward to perform the best and it is still not appreciative then don't even need to bother about them. i also learnt a lot from the past. As long as we are happy with what we have done. Nothing is perfect in this world and we can't please everyone. We will be suffered if we are too hard towards ourselves. Looks like, a year older makes me a year wiser. hahah..self praise !!! What to do....taureans love to self praise.

I'm happy that I get to meet up with Taki for lunch. He was back from SG yesterday night since it's a long weekend in view of Wesak Day. We had lunch at Du Viet - Vietnamese Cuisine. I always love the beef noodle there and lemongrass ginger tea. Taki bought me lunch for my belated birthday celebration. It was nice meeting him since we have been chatting online most of the time and the last time i saw him was during our company tax seminar last year. Hope I can go SG one day to pay him a visit.

Due to the hectic workload this whole week, i didn't get to have dinner with my parents at all. Today I finally brought them out for dinner at Pizza Uno in Taipan, Subang. Luckily the food did not disappoint them. My dad is a very chinese oriented man and always prefer chinese cooking so hardly we get to bring him to try other types of food. He seemed to like his oven baked chicken. My dad was not feeling well as he caught a flu since the Langkawi trip so i brought him to see doctor too. Hope he will feel better after this. I feel bad at times that i don't spend enough time with my parents. i keep reminding myself that they are getting old and not many years left. I do not want to feel regret one day if they would to leave me one day. How I wish i have lots of money now to pay for their everything and sign them up for tours. Sigh...the money factor always makes us feel that life sucks !

I'm glad that I have achieved something today.....Finally.....I'm proud of myself =).

Fon

A year older and a year wiser?

2008-05-14T23:31:00.000+08:00

13 May - it was my 26th birthday!

It was a pleasant day as my colleagues bought me a surprise lunch at Tony Roma's at The Curve and celebrated my birthday in the office. Smses, calls and emails started to come in even before i woke up for work. First sms came from my best buddy, MY and it was really nice to start my day.

Although it was a busy day in the office and can hear my boss stressful voice cursing the clients left and right, they managed to cheer me up especially on this special day =). I'm very thankful to have such beloved colleagues. EL and ML told me to join them lunch somewhere in Uptown. I waited with EL and saw ML came with a car. Nothing to say but I just hopped into the car and drove me all the way to The Curve. When we reached there, both my bosses were already there and shouted "SURPRISE" the moment i walked into Tony Roma's. I had beef steak and i would say the service there was excellent. The staff also sang me birthday song and gave me a birthday card with a complimentary dessert. Nevertheless, it was a happy moment.

When we were back in the office, they gave me the pressie and it was a fabulous dress from Forever 21. It was my first dress from there. I never seem to get anything that I like from there. But I really love it. It was a dark blue dress with red ribbon (see pic below). They just know my taste and it fits me perfectly well. Love you all :)

The celebration continued at the office at around 5:30pm. They bought me a jelly cake from Q Jelly. Well, it's very popular nowadays to have jelly cake as a real cake can be quite boring at times. The cake is the shape of a teddy bear. It's so adorable and you just don't feel like eating it. As usual, we were cam whoring again in the office. hehehehe...anyway, it brings back a lot of sweet memories. My cake (pic below).

I was supposed to watch Paris Je'taime at GSC One Utama but somehow my date fell sick and could not make it for the movie. We ended up have dinner and head home after that. I missed the movie twice and will not miss it anymore if it is showing again. Overall, I had a great day. Thanks to all the beautiful birthday wishes. You know who you are =) !

Today, MY and I suppose to meet up for dinner as a celebration for both of us since her birthday falls on 15 May and mine on 13 May so we celebrate in between. Somehow it has been cancelled as MY's bf showed up today and gave her a surprise birthday present. He fetched her up from client's office and told her that they were heading to the airport as he is bringing her to Gold Coast, Australia. Wow....when she smsed me, I was as speechless as her. It was so touched and indeed a huge surprise. It was all pre-planned by her bf since 2 - 3 months ago by getting MY's family and colleagues involved. They are now on the plane heading to Gold Coast. I'm really happy for her. Hope both of you enjoy the trip =) as I will claim my free dinner after this since i was ffk. TAC is such a sweet guy and I think not many guys like him exist in this world. MY, you are such a lucky girl !

Fon

Genting Trip

2008-05-11T19:23:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I went Genting with my colleagues as it was organized by my company's Sports Club. I had dim sum for breakfast with my colleagues at HCT near our office. After registration, our bus departed from Uptown at 8:50am. The bus ride was horrible as the driver drove so fast and we reached Genting outdoor theme park sharp at 10am. I suffered a bit of dizziness and vomitted the moment i stepped into the toilet. It was a horrible experience and i told myself i won't take a bus up to Genting anymore. I rather drive to awana and take a cable car instead. The road is winding and with that kind of speed. It is extremely horrifying.

Nevertheless, we managed to enjoy ourselves at the Theme Park. We started off with Cyclone. Actually, i don't like taking roller coaster due to the heights and speed. Cyclone was the first roller coaster in Malaysia and it was the mildest among the new ones i.e. Flying monster, solero shot and cockscrew. Though it's mild but I hate the feeling when it is rolling down at a high speed. Just felt like my heart has dropped. Initially, we thought of trying out Flying monster. By the look at it, we pulled out. We also took the chance to feed the japanese koi at the waterfall fish pond. The pic below shows the number of koi in that pond and they were overlapping each other to fight for food. Poor fishes....

After the ship ride which i didn't take, we headed to try out dragon train but it was under maintenance. So we went to play archery instead. It was my second time trying out archery. I had the same problem lifting the archer as I find it heavy. I can feel that my arm was shakey but it wasn't so bad afterall. Take a look at the pic below - number 17 is mine.

After archery, we went for our lunch buffet at coffee terrance. It was an international buffet with cosy seating area. Four of us ate so much but it was satisfying. After lunch, we spent our time indoor. Eunice and Jay went to try their luck at the casino. June and I went shopping. We were suppose to buy shoes for our colleagues in Vietnam. Unfortunally, we can't find any nice ones and moreover Padini Concept Store was closed for renovation. We ended up buying some accessories and tops from FOS.

We left Genting around 5pm and had a stop at the Malaysian Chocolate Factory. I was too sleepy and dozed off on the bus. When we arrived Uptown, it was about 6:30pm. Luckily the journey back wasn't so bad. I drove straight to MY's house to get ready for our dinner appointment with another two of her colleagues at the Curve. I picked PS up at around 8pm and headed to The Curve. We had our dinner at Itallianies and went over to Laundry for drinks. It was a great night. We chatted a lot and had a lot of fun. Nice friends to hang out with. That night MY and I wore our buddy chains which i bought for her from Genting. It was cool as I appreciate our friendship very much.

Today afternoon, I met up with LK and WL for drinks and I had my so called lunch. Finally I hand over the Vietnamese Coffee to them since my trip to Vietnam 3 months back. It was nice to catch up with two of old classmates and they are happily married. Good for them.

I'm going off for dinner with my sis next door. Signing off now....

Fon

My heart is filled with excitement

2008-05-09T23:18:00.001+08:00

Finally I had signed up for Sports Club after 3 years working in DTT. So tomorrow I'm going to Genting with my fellow colleagues and other Sports Club members for a family day trip. It only costs me RM25 which i can enjoy a lunch buffet at coffee terrance (my fav place for buffet) and also entrance to both outdoor and indoor theme park. Hope i can have lots of fun.

Just now a friend of mine wrote me a love quote and I have decided to publish it here in my blog today. Here it goes....

"Don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love"

I'm not sure how true it is but I find that it is a good one. Though I've been in love before this, I can understand that it's unavoidable to have feelings for another guy/girl when you are in a relationship. That's why people will be in a relationship to be with someone or out of a relationship to be with another person. But I do believe one thing, love comes and goes when you least expected. I have been in a relationship twice. In both my relationships, I have been very happy before and also been very sad before. This is the risk that you might be hurt if you open up your heart to someone. I used to think that I will never open up my heart to anyone. Finally I did but love can really make you very happy and can also mess you up. You'll be lucky if you can be happy but it's torturous when you just get hurt and hurt again and again.

I was hurt deeply and I foresee this cut will remain as a scar forever. I'm pretty sure that my heart will never be the same again as I never been so in love with someone before up to the extend that I'm willing to give up my heart and soul just for him. Love takes hostages. The moment he walked out from my life, I feel that I've lost everything. = ( Each day I wake up and think that things will never be the same again. It's such a tough moment to go through. Trust me....it's very difficult when you have to go through the pain and accept the fact that he is no longer in love with you. Nevertheless, I know I can go through it as I want to prove to him that it is his biggest mistake for letting me go especially whenever he feels like it.

I just hate myself for loving him so much....sigh....till now i can feel the chest pain and i can burst into any tears esp memories of him start flashing back.

Fon

When will my tears run dry ?

2008-05-07T23:42:00.000+08:00

I slipped and fell when i was on my way to work on Monday morning after I parked my car. I did try to balance up but failed. Worst still, a guy on my opposite direction saw me fell down. Darn embarrassing ! Luckily he was just a stranger so it wasn't so bad afterall. There was a small cut but didn't realise the pain until today. After a few rubs, there is a huge blue black near my left ankle. I just applied some cream to ease the pain. I'm such a clumsy person...well i would say i wasn't concentrate when i was walking.

Today I went out with Jody for a dinner followed by movie "Ironman". It has been so long that I last met Jody. I had a pleasant time catching up with each other plus the movie was good. The story was based on a comic and with my fav actress Gwyneth Paltrow in there. It's all good =). Worth watching. Now i feel bad as today's dinner and movie was on Jody. The next one will be my turn ya, Jody :D.

There were some sad scenes in the movie. The saddest scene was when an Afghan terrorist tried to separate a father and son. He pointed a rifle towards the father while the son was watching. I almost burst into tears. I can imagine all these scenes during war. It reminded me a lot when i visited a war museum in Vietnam. It was all about the war between Americans and Vietnamese. So many pictures were displayed about the civilians being tortured and poisoned....it was indeed depressing. By looking at those pics, i feel very lucky to have lived here rather than going through such pain and cruelty. Thanks God !

When I was driving home after the movie, all of sudden, i got so emotional and my tears rolled down slowly. Well, i was haunted by the past all over again so I could not hold back my tears. I told myself that I will not cry over him anymore but I did. Just can't help it sometimes as memories do flash back from time to time. I cherish the sweet memories but somehow it makes me cry even more. Hope it will be the last one for him especially. Sigh....

Fon

Seeing him from far....

2008-05-06T22:33:00.000+08:00

I can feel the coldness between me and him. Well, it's also too late for me to make him feel bad after what he has done to me since i have not been listening to ppl around me. I should have stopped and drawn the line.....just hate myself as i'm such a softie. I feel bad easily and i dislike the feeling of hating one another so i always end up giving in. But the truth is I'm still very much in love with him. He will be forever hold a special place in my heart although he may be very cruel to me at one point but I know very well that he didn't mean to hurt me that way but it is for my own good. In fact, i do believe one thing - Love someone doesn't mean you have to be with him/her but seeing him/her happy is good enough.

The phrases below are so true.....It's sad but very true.

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "Maybe we should just be friends" or "How very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love." - Neil Gaiman

Fon

Time to start fresh

2008-05-04T23:39:00.000+08:00

Well, I have been feeling demotivated in everything lately so thought after a 3D2N trip, i would be feeling much better. At least must have a bit of motivation to start work tomorrow. Keeping my fingers crossed. =)

My trip to Awana Kijal, Terengganu (approximately 250km from KL) was good. I must say thanks to GPS system (courtesy from PL's bro) !!!! At least I have lots of sleep for the past 3 days and I'm fully recharged both mentally and physically. Initially, I didn't have high expectations on that place since it wasn't a new holiday spot. Overall, I'm satisfied with the room and surroundings (pic below) - at least it's cleaned and well maintained. Gosh....I'm missing the bed already =). Actually, the whole place is a great place to relax and also for family outings. There are so many activities to do i.e. golfing, swimming, beach activities, cycling etc. Now I feel bad that I didn't fully utilise the facilities there.....only had a dip in the pool on the first day. Most of the time, my friends and I just sleep, eat and drink ! But we did enjoy ourselves =).

The weather was also good throughout the whole trip only on the last day when we were leaving Kijal, it was raining all the way back to KL. But at least we won't feel the heat while travelling in the car. It's sad that no more holidays and we are all back to reality. Arrgghhh....slap me !

Fon

On MC

2008-04-29T22:13:00.000+08:00

It has been a while that I didn't take any MC....this year 2008 is the first time. I was down with gastric pain for the past 2 days. This is due to heartache. I can actually feel the chest pain and it is so difficult to breathe. When my heart is hurt, it really hurts so bad! I will lose appetite and gastric pain will come. I don't like the feeling at all but I just can't help it. I'm very vulnerable.

Just imagine someone just told you that you're no longer important in his life anymore not even as a friend. It hurts :( so bad...it's so bad until i can feel my heart is bleeding non stop. I should not let him get into me but it happened. I can sense that there are more and more understandings between me and him. But i do not know how to tell him that I'm not that kind person whom he thinks I'm. He had made a wrong assumption towards me. Probably, the best solution here is to withdraw myself completely from him if that will make him happier as i know that no point explaining myself to someone so stubborn like him. The drawback of this solution is I will appear as the bad person in his eyes forever. Well, if that is what he wants :(.

However, i know very well that i will always be the best he ever had. I know he will definitely regret some day.

Fon

Street Kings

2008-04-28T22:16:00.000+08:00

It was a boring weekend - Stayed whole day at home on Sat watching drama series and facebooking. Only Sun, I went out with new friends. We went to watch Street Kings . It was a brilliant movie with Keanu Reeves in it (he's my fav actor...drool...). The whole movie talked about how "dirty" and corrupted the cops are. They can do anything just to gain power and make the innocents ones suffer. Overall, two thumbs up !! =)

Today damansara toll was so jammed up and I'm late again to work...sigh...seriously can't predict the traffic everyday. I just have to wake up same time and go to work same time. hehe...don't care much whether i'm late or not. Sometimes the traffic is smooth and sometimes the traffic is bad. It's just crazy. Today work is alright too. It's manageable. After work I went to eat "lok lok" with my colleagues. It was the first time standing by the road while enjoying "lok lok" but it can be quite pricy. I only had 5 sticks and cost me RM6.

I will be going to Kijal this weekend with a bunch of friends. Looking forward to a relaxing trip. Not going to think about anything but just relax.....thinking about the coconut trees by the beach and listening to the sea breeze.

Fon

Drive ?

2008-04-26T18:36:00.000+08:00

It has been a slow week. I feel so unproductive at work lately. Yes, I admit that not many clients disturb me recently and most of my portfolios are all under controlled. That's why I've been quite "free" lately and i have been doing a lot of reading so just to keep myself occupied and updated about things happening around me.

Yesterday, I spent my night at Bangsar. It used to be a happening place but nowadays it is not anymore since there are so many pubs and restaurants opened in Klang Valley. The young people tend to look for new excitement at new hang out spots. It was an ad hoc thing when ming yenn told me that she has no plans for dinner. So we planned to have dinner and asked Jeff to join us. Since I had appointment with June to meet her at Social with her friends. So we headed to bangsar for dinner. I fetched Jeff from Subang since I went home to change after work. When we reached bangsar, it was about 8:45pm. I was lucky to get a parking nearby The Social.

Jeff decided to have steak so we headed to outback steakhouse for dinner after meeting up with ming yeen at bangsar village. He ordered his sirloin steak and I had seafood. Ming yenn had salad and soup. It was a good meal overall and we also enjoyed 20% discount for HSBC credit card. We also chatted a lot - basically we just updated ourselves and some thoughts that striked us on what we want to do. Ming yenn and I do have the thoughts to work overseas. Frankly speaking, I'm with my current company for 3 years 2 months now. well, it's really a comfort zone. nothing i can ask for when i have great bosses and management is treating us well. but there's something in me that tells me i have to try to move on since i can still do it. Sometimes, i think that my job is so routined and no longer have any challenges. Actually there are challenges but i can't seem to see it. Do i really need a change of environment? i think i need it....sigh....so many happened in the span of 4 months.....my job....my love life....my family and everything !!! I know there are opportunities out there and have yet to see it coming. It's quite depressing when i keep thinking about it. Quarter life crisis ?

Since ming yenn needs to fetch TAC last night so we left outback about 11:15pm. I headed to The Social to meet up with June and friends. It was crowded as usual but all of us didn't seem to have mood. We didn't talk much but just sat and enjoyed the drinks and songs. June's guy friend cracked some jokes and had a good laugh though. After that, Lilian's friend messaged her so we went over to TSB to say hi. Well, i was not very keen since i was getting sleepy. Since all of us are girls so i tagged to accompany them. Lilian's friend is a foreigner, Matt and he was with two other friends chilling with JD and coke. I think we were there for about 15 mins before we headed home. I wasn't feeling comfortable as they are strangers to me and somehow they gave me the impression that they are just looking for excitement in girls.

When I reached home, it was about 2:30 am. Finally when i hit the bed, it was 3:30am ! what a night and i did drop a msg to a friend but only the next day he replied that he remembered reading my sms but he could not find it anymore. Sigh....I'm speechless.

Fon

Motivation

2008-04-23T22:23:00.000+08:00

Today, the whole GES team plus my team celebrated VC's birthday. She is a Senior Tax Manager in my company and has served for more than 8 years. She also has tendered her resignation recently and her last day is next Wed. It's sad to see her go as she is one of the most dedicated staff and i admire her passion towards her job. Since I love taking photos, i became the photographer of the day during the party and i managed to borrow the digicam from my company to snap all the precious moments. my own boss called me a "Photogh" - a term used in channel E news on celebrities. haha. my boss is so sanguine !

The whole party went well and managed to surprise VC. We also got her a cake from Q Jelly (recent trend - cake made of jelly). Most of all, thanks to MV who put in the efforts to organize the party although the GES team is in peak period - 8 more days to file all the tax returns (due by April 30th). She also ordered some light snacks - po piah, sardine rolls, curry puffs and "Hung Kai Tan" (red hard boiled eggs - in chinese culture, chinese family will make hard boiled eggs and dye the egg shell in red during birthday as part of prosperity). Weina ordered the tea lady to make us coffee. After the cake cutting and feasting, Weina gave some motivational speech to the whole team basically to motivate them and thank them for their hard work to meet the April 30th filing deadlines. I have gone through the tax filing once and i truly understand their feelings. Usually, many of them will sigh and even complaint that they will quit after filing as you will have to work around the clock for 1 - 2 months to rush out the tax comps for clients. You must be thinking it's such a crap job that you work almost 24 hours a day for 1 - 2 months and still get the same pay each month. But please think about it, individual tax filing period only happen once a year (feb to april). The rest of the months basically you can go home at working normal hours. Management does see and appreciate the hard work and ultimately the hard work will be paid off.

My boss, June also raised out certain motivational points which is purely based on her experience in my company. She is so right to say that don't ever expect the managers or senior level directors to motivate us at work. At the end of the day, it's all from your own selves. basically, we must understand what exactly we want in life and never depends on others to keep us going. June is able to stay with the firm till today as she is so positive with her life and never ever think negatively about the work and the outcome. This is how she motivates herself to work everyday. There are always ups and downs at work but as long as you know how to control yourself and know exactly what you are doing, things aren't bad afterall. Always look at the bright side - motto of the day :D

I'm going to bed early today :).

Fon

Over You

2008-04-22T23:00:00.000+08:00

I'm waiting for this day to come....

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Monday blues....

2008-04-21T19:59:00.000+08:00

I'm having monday blues as usual and I'm wearing blue top today....hahah...seriously I just want to tell the whole world that i'm having monday blues.....feel so sleepy the whole day but managed to attend to all my emails from clients.

It was raining when i came out from my office building. Luckily when i reach home, there is no rain at all. Yesterday, I went for an hour full body massage. The masseur concentrated on my shoulder and neck particularly as it was so stiff. I can feel the pain when she pressed on certain points. Nevertheless, it was great ! at least i feel much better now. the soothing music played at Chakras just made want to fall asleep.

After massage, i headed to the curve and i was thinking to buy the HP pouch for my friend, Joane. When i was about to buy, the rain poured heavily. :( I have no choice but to head to ikea to check out some lamps. I intended to buy one for my room as it's seriously very uncool to have only the fluorescent light. Basically, my whole house used only fluorescent lights as it was my dad's idea. He is quite conservative and dislike dim lights. As usual, ikea was so crowded plus the rain. everyone just stayed in to wait for the rain to stop. i managed to buy a lamp. It's a small pink lamp with flower designs. I love it so much ! now my room so much better at night.

BG brought me to Damansara Jaya to have dinner yesterday night. We had claypot rice and it was delicious. We also ordered soup and vege. Overall, it was a nice dinner. However, it was a quiet dinner although the ppl around are making so much noise. I hate the most was that BG doesn't really talk to me which i don't understand why. am i that hateful or just bored? Am hoping BG can treat me just like his other friends one day. He is certainly like a chatter box since i have known him for almost 4 years. I suspect something is bothering him and in fact he has changed to someone i barely know. I'm praying everyday to God and hope God may touch his heart one day and make him realize that there are many people around do care a lot about him especially me and hoping that he knows how to treasure them whenever he could. Sometimes, I'm so pissed that I just want to walk away from BG's life but something is holding me back again and again. Please tell me why......oh please....am i not deserve being a good friend to BG? I just hate this feeling and sometimes i rather just died than to feel miserable and helpless.

Okies...time to go shower ! Hopefully i can feel better after this.

Fon

Love Song

2008-04-20T01:02:00.000+08:00

This song currently tells how i feel now....

Head underwater
And they tell me
To breathe easy for a while
Breathing gets harder, even I know that
Made room for me; but it's too soon to see
If I'm happy in your hands
I'm unusually hard to hold on to

Blank stares at blank pages
No easy way to say this
You mean well, but you make this hard on me

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you asked for it 'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's
Make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leavin',
Imma need a better reason
To write you a love song today (today)

I learned the hard way
That they all say
Things you want to hear
And my heavy heart sinks deep down under you and
Your twisted words,
Your help just hurts
You are not what I thought you were
Hello to high and dry

Convinced me to please you
Made me think that I need this too
I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's
Make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leavin',
Imma need a better reason
To write you a love song today

Promise me that you'll leave the light on
To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone
'cause I believe there's a way you can love me
Because I say I won't write you a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's make or break in this
Is that why you wanted a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If your heart is nowhere in it
I don't want it for a minute Babe,
I'll walk the seven seas when I believe that
There's a reason to
Write you a love song today

The Social

2008-04-19T22:59:00.000+08:00

I have out till quite late for the past two days. On Thursday, I had a meeting at Menara TM in the afternoon. My boss and I thought the meeting would probably takes an hour or less. Somehow it ended for 2.5 hours....sigh...longest meeting ever which is good that my client brought up so many issues which we will have to bring up to our global office to resolve. We left our client's office at about 6:35pm. It was raining heavily earlier so my boss parked her car at the building basement. She had to park at the illegal spot as the whole car was so packed. As usual, we went to pay the parking ticket at the autopay station. Unfortunately, the machine was out of order but it ate the parking ticket and not the notes. We were trying to retrieve the ticket but failed. I was hitting the machine so hard to retrieve it but still failed. We were lucky enough that a gentlemen who worked in the same bulding came to help us out. He informed us that the autopay machine has been spoilt and we must pay at the exit counter. We did not know what he had done to retrieve the parking ticket but he managed to retrieve it.

We were so relieved and walked off after we thanked him. However, he was so sweet to give us his staff id so we can get special rate for parking. We were as usual felt so impressed for his kindness. He even led us my boss's car and instructed us where to exit. Such a sweet gentlemen ! There aren't many these days. We finally got out from Menara TM about 7pm. When i looked at my watch, we were running late to attend another event at 1 Sentral where Ching Yen was there waiting for me to accompany her since she was all alone. Actually, Ching Yen invited me to join her at the Regus 3rd office launch as she was invited by the GM who is Ching Yen's business contact. I dragged my boss along to attend as we foresee that we may seek business opportunities since Regus provides business centres, meeting rooms, office suites and virtual office facilities to both local and foreign clients. Networking has been something i always wanted to do and I felt good to be able to attend.

We were kind of lost of direction from Menara TM to 1 Sentral. After a few wrong turns, we made it there at around 7:30pm. When we got up to Level 16 where Regus is, the guests were about to propose a toast after the speech. Initially, we thought it was a small launch but somehow the crowd was quite good with mix locals and foreigners. We were served wines and cocktails as well as a buffet dinner. A DJ and a jazz singer were invited to entertain us. After my boss and I met up with Ching Yen. We had a short tour around the office. It is indeed a cool place. It is definitely a place where i can recommend my foreign clients who intend to set up offices in Malaysia - cosy office environment and with latest technologies. We tried to mingle around and exchanged some name cards. I also bumped into my client who also has a lease with Regus in KLCC.

We were there for about half an hour as Ching Yen and I had to meet our ex uni mates at The Gardens, Mid Valley. At the same time, my boss had to leave for another dinner date with her friend. I wished we could stay longer to mingle more. Ching Yen and I headed to The Gardens to meet up with our ex uni mates at Sushi Zanmai. It was a great place - one of the nicest sushi place ever. Apparently, I have not been to a sushi place as I don't really fancy sushi. Somehow this place caught my attention and i fell in love with it since then. There were about 8 of us and we ordered sushi, sashimi, gyoza, etc. Total bill came about RM250 but it was a satisfying dinner ever with lots of laughters. When we were heading home, we already talk about our next plan to meet for such a dinner again as it is indeed fun.

Yesterday night was a crazy night, my colleagues and I went to Social, Bangsar to have dinner as part of the celebration for our promotions last month. My Partner and her hubby joined us too. It was my first time trying out the food at Social as the last time I went there was for drinks. The food was amazing - it's fusion (western and local with a mixture of taste from Thai). We also ordered beers and wine to chill. My boss's fav DJ came about 10 plus and played quite a number great songs. It's a recommended place to hang out really. Apart from food, Social has a bar and pool table. The place is forever so crowded. Almost midnight, most of colleagues left already. My boss has another group of friends at Social as they were celebrating birthday for another friend. It was friday night and i do not want to go home so early so i joined in the party. We hang out till 2am which is also the time Social closes.

I was pretty tired when i got home but still have to remove my make up and shower. When i hit the bed, it was about 4am with a few smses came in from someone i cared about a lot. I wonder whether it's a hint that he misses me or i'm just being over sensitive. Whatever ! Managed to catch some sleep but i got up at about 9:30 am to head for facial and spa. I think it's the best when we just love ourselves the most rather than thinking about others.

Fon

Regrets ?

2008-04-16T22:20:00.000+08:00

Today's blog is dedicated to my friend, Helena and her family. Helena's dad passed away peacefully yesterday morning (15 Apr 2008). I went to pay my last respect to her dad at her home just now. The wake was held since yesterday and the actual funeral will be held this Sunday. I'm not very close to Helena and family but I knew Helena since uni days. Because of her I got to know my close buddy, Ming Yenn. Helena is also Ming Yenn's sister in law. Ming Yenn does talk about Helena and her family a lot and I was also invited to their wedding about 2 years back. That was my first time and last time saw Helena's dad. Though we aren't close but I could feel the warmth in their family. The whole family gives me the impression that they are so close and united and the love among them is remarkable. I truly respect them as they have set great examples to many out there that family is above everything else.

Yes, i admit that i have not been very close to family members. Among all my siblings, I'm also an attention seeker as I always thought i'm not important in the family and feel neglected. Frankly speaking I'm not. It's because i have been very independent and never create any problems or troubles for my parents to worry about me. It's because they have so much faith in me and indirectly give me less attention compared to my other 3 siblings but that doesn't mean they don't love me. I hate my rebel ! I realise that if i don't stop rebelling, i will definitely regret one day as my parents are getting old and may not have many more years to be around.....sigh....i seriously hate myself for this. Mum and Dad, I promise you all that I will be good from now on. Though i never express it out but in my heart, I do care a lot about you both ! In my everyday's prayers, I pray that both of you will live forever and ever to see us become the persons you all want us to be.

I miss Angelina, my white teddy bear! Where are you? I have not seen you since last Sunday night. I know you are safe and sound but I hope one day you will come back home. In the meantime, please do take care of yourself. Always remember that mummy loves you OK ? muaks.

Fon

Definitely Maybe

2008-04-14T21:32:00.000+08:00

Just got back from work and was supposed to have few beers with Michelle and Eunice opposite our office but somehow Michelle was needed to review some comps. Eunice and I just had our dinner and left shortly. As usual feel refreshing now after shower.

I went for a movie with friends last night at Cineleisure (the cinema I like the most so far with comfy seats and nice ambience). "Definitely Maybe" was certainly a feel good movie. I loved the characters and the story line. It's about a guy who went through 3 relationships with 3 women. His love journey was quite a disaster and wasted at least 6 to 8 years before he finally found someone whom he really want to spend his life with by the help of his own daughter (a 7 year old girl who is so mature and understanding). The movie made me realize that sometimes God just has plans for us and makes us go through a bit more of disaster before we finally realize the best things are actually right in front of us. The guy in the movie has been in love with his best friend (a girl) but their paths never crossed after many years later.......It also makes me realize love can't be forced...especially we can't force someone to love you although you believe so hard that it will work. It's best that we let it comes to us when the time is right and it takes two hands to clap ! Definitely maybe, betterment in life will eventually come when I least expect it.

It's Monday and I'm looking forward to weekend.....haha....feel lazy these days. I just want to lie down on my couch and watch my favourite movies. I will be going for a good one hour massage to destress myself (as though I'm that stressed !). I'm also looking forward to Friday night as my colleagues and I will be having a group dinner at Social, Bangsar as part of our celebration for promotions and increment last month. I've been there once but not for the food. Can't wait for the day :)

Well well....traffic these days is horrible. I think I shall sleep early and drag myself to leave my house earlier than usual else I will late again. It's so not nice to have the thought that the lateness will affect my bonus payout. I do not want this happen as it's not worth for the hard work i have contributed to my company so far. I definitely deserve more than that...don't you think so?

Nites everyone !

Fon

It's Saturday.

2008-04-12T22:45:00.000+08:00

It's saturday and as usual no plans today. I spent my lunch with Mel at Noodles Village since I had to pass her the souvenir i bought from Ho Chi Minh City. Basically, we were enjoying delicious Pan Mee with steamed crystal dumplings...yummy....It was Mel's first time there. Well, I have brought a few friends and my family members to try the Pan Mee there and they liked it. While enjoying our food, we had a great chat too.

The weather changed suddenly when we left the place. It began to rain shortly after that. After dropped Mel off, I headed to my yoga centre to attend my hot yoga class. It always feels so relieved after the class as I sweat all the toxins out from my body. When I stepped out from yoga centre, the rain has stopped so I headed home to shower and do laundry.

Around 7 plus, I went dinner with my second sis and bro. All of us were so hungry and finished up all the food we ordered. As usual, I can't stop from myself to go over my eldest sis's house to play with my 8 months old niece, Jovena. She is everyone's darling :). She has a walker with her today and was very excited with her new gadget. Whenever I see her, I just can't stop to pinch her and kiss her. My heart just melted whenever i see her smiling. such an adorable angel !

I am having mixed feelings again. Not sure how to describe but somehow my heart tells me that I have something that I still hold on to and unwilling to let it go. Frankly speaking, I'm still holding on to it and wondering when i will let it go completely......sigh......Mariah's new album is absolutely superb! Hope she could be my new inspiration to see things at a different perspective and don't ever look back but keep moving forward for a better life.

Fon

You are always my No. 2

2008-04-11T23:20:00.000+08:00

After 2 days training and I went back to office today. As usual, my mailbox was full of emails and managed to clear at least 3 quarter of it. Luckily today not many clients "disturb" me so i could concentrate on clearing my emails - basically replying clients' queries and reading work updates. Also, I had some time to share my training course material with my Manager and my Partner apparently want me to have 1 - 2 sharing sessions of what I have learnt during the 2 days training.

I would say that the training was knowledgeable but not 100% applicable to my work. However, it helps me understand more in terms of HRM and may prepare myself to provide quality advisory to clients in future. During the training, I was trying to brush up my networking skills and somehow i could get the hang of it now. Initially, i used to be quite shy to initiate a conversation but the more you do it, it flows naturally and can feel myself getting better and better. Well, perhaps i won't consider myself able to convince another party re our services but being able to initiate a conversation and making myself comfortable to talk to people I first met is already an achievement. I think :p.

Well, I used to be able to share my daily thoughts and conversation with a friend whom i care about a lot. Somehow things didn't work out as it used to be so I'm sharing it all by myself once again and also with my soft toys whom i hug every night on my bed. Though they can't response to what i'm telling them but i can feel that they are listening (I know deep down in my heart that you all are listening).

How do you feel when someone tells you that you are just his/her no.2 ? I'm sure everyone out there wants to be no.1 in everything. No doubt myself - I always want to be no.1 in everything i do. somehow part of me can't take the risk. For example, when comes to compete in a competition, i always have the feeling that i will lose. As such, i ended up perform badly. Being able to build up a strong confidence in everything you do is a courage. I seriously admire people like that. But me, sigh....i just don't see myself to be no.1 in everything i do. Guess....with that I shall conclude that I can only be no.2 !

Fon

Inspiring

2008-04-10T20:40:00.000+08:00

Ok..lets start with current news! Just finished watching Idol Gives Back. It inspired me a lot as I know it touches everyone's lives. The songs are great with all the big stars like Brad Pitt, Mariah Carey, Bono, Carrie Underwood, Daughtry, the 8 remaining idols and etc...truly inspiring!

The show broadcasts the journey of the big stars going around rural areas and places in US and Africa - the poor kids with no books to read, no education, no home, HIV victims, hurricane katrina's victims etc. There are millions are kids out there are calling our help to light up their lives as they are currently living in the dark. I may look helpless but it allows me to see things in a different perspectives. i always thought that i'm not lucky enough to have what i have. Nothing seems to be enough for me. i always want more and more......frankly speaking i'm just too pampered. By looking at the poor kids out there is enough for me to realise how wonderful my life is, at least i have a bed to sleep on and have a house to step in for shelter and food. my life isn't bad afterall compared to others who barely have enough to survive. How i wish i can go out there and touch their lives. Like Brad Pitt says, we must step out from our comfort zone to feel and experience the lives out there.

The part where Daughtry went to Uganda, Africa and sang one of his singles, "What About Now?" to Ugandians was very unforgettable. Here you go....

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading,
From all the things that we are
But are not saying.
Can we see beyond the scars
And make it to the dawn?

Change the colors of the sky.
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive,
The ways I loved you.
For all the things that never died,
To make it through the night,
Love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day.
This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace.
Shadows fade into the light.
I am by your side,
Where love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love, it never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

Now that we're here,
Now that we've come this far,
Just hold on.
There is nothing to fear,
For I am right beside you.
For all my life,
I am yours.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

It's never too late to start thinking what you should do to make things right for yourself and your loved ones. The show just gave a wake up call to people out there to treasure what is around them and live life to the fullest. Be humble and reach out for others if possible.

The forever gorgeous Mariah Carey (my number one idol) sparked the show with Fly like a bird - It's amazing to hear her sing to the world. The remaining 8 idols ended the show by dressing in white and sang "Shout to the Lord". A big applause to them !! Stay united and light the world :)

Fon

It has been a while ....

2008-04-10T17:41:00.000+08:00

Wow...I do not know how long I have stopped blogging...if im not mistaken, the last time i updated my blog at 20six was when I'm still in uni. Worse still, i can't even remember the name of the blog i've created. Perhaps about 5 - 6 years ago. Sigh...i really can't remember.

It's OK. Let me start all over again. Just want to share out my thoughts and what have happened for the past years. There are just too many things to talk about - life after my graduation, my career, my love life and everything bitter and sweet !!!

Let me see where should i start from....

Fon