I hardly blog nowadays as FB does have the features of jotting down short notes and share with friends. I only blog here when I don't feel like sharing my thoughts to people i know. Few months passed....I experienced peak period to off peak and left to London for 2 weeks vacation. The trip was wonderful and also an eye-opener for me to realise that there are just so much things to see and experience. I just love it and build up my passion to travel even more. Well, I thanked my cuz for making this happen to me.
I'm now back to reality......yeah, it's demovating to be back to work but more exciting to look forward to upcoming trips. I bought lots of stuffs back for myself, family and friends. When I see them happy, I'm happy! I shared my thoughts and photos with friends and family as the indication that I'm glad that I've gone for the trip.
After I got back, something weird happened. After not dating any guy for almost 2 years, i have lost that feeling and can't even feel how it is like to fall in love. I sort of prepare myself to live alone and enjoy my singlehood life as long as I have money to keep me happy. I feel so strange that I could actually let a guy friend of mine to kiss and hug me in one of the late nights watching movies together. I have no freaking idea what is he up to and I don't know why I didn't stop him. Well, as i have known him for quite a while and also known him for being such a bastard esp with those girls who are crazy over him. He is a commitment freak so he would not make any relationship official unless he really mean it. As I'm his friend, so i thought he would not do such thing to me or take advantage of me. Afterall, he is a good friend indeed...someone whom i could count on if i'm in trouble. I always believe that if he likes me and I like him, we would have dated so much longer ago. I have read so much about how guys can hurt a girl just to satisfy their lust so i thought I'm prepared and will not let this happen to me anymore.
Well, I must say that he is kind of attractive and fulfil the criteria of my future man in term of physic. Having a crush is normal but as I know i'm not the one he is looking for so i never bother to go few steps further as i like him as a friend. He gives me 2 impressions now after what he has done to me. First, he did that as he has been doing the same thing to all the girls who doesn't mind sleeping with him. so this makes me feel that he is also seeing me as one of those girls he has been fooling with. Second, he did that as he does have feeling for me else he would not do that. Well i must say that i agree on the first point more as i know a guy could just hurt a girl's feeling and without thinking of the consequences. Now it makes feel even worse as i have been labeled "cheap" or "easy" and he no longer see me as a good friend. Since what had happened, we never talk about it as we still go out as normal friends which we have been doing. I never bother to confront him as I don't see it worth doing so. It would probably make the matter worse. Probably no more friends. Guess this is quite normal for him but not for me.....well, i must admit that I begin to know how to play this "no strings attached" game but I really do want it to happen. I just want to be my real self but not categorised as a slut. All i need is to have someone who truly loves and accepts me for who I'm but not being fooled around. This isn't the first time.
Oh well, if he is going to do it again someday, I better have my guts ready and say it to his face : "YK, you better mean it if you want to kiss me. Otherwise, you will just lose me as a friend. " Anyway, I doubt this happen again as he actually stepped back after a few kisses. feeling guilty perhaps!
This whole incident just spoilt my weekend!
Fon
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)