why why why...

I'm blogging first time while at the airport waiting for my flight back to Singapore. I was back to Malaysia for a weekend due to my dental appointment and it has to be a valentine's weekend. This is my first valentine that I celebrated without someone i love. Anyway, it was a good one as I got to hang out with my beloved girlfriends to pamper ourselves with massages and a nice dinner.

I could not believe myself is that I actually miss HIM. It has been a year or so....my feeling is still the same. Missing him but don't want to see him. Truthfully, I'm still very much in love in him although i know his heart has someone else now. The other day a close friend of mine actually asked me whether when i can let go the past and open my heart to accept someone new into my life. It's not there is no one out there for me but i just could not let go. All the memories still so fresh in my mind...... I was so hurt by him when he left me but how come i'm still carrying this excess baggage with me even i have moved to Singapore to start a new life. Now I kinda regret that I made the trip back this time. I really do not know when i can actually let go. Why am i still hanging on with someone who broke my heart and so selfish ???? Probably this is some kind of punishment that i have to go through during this current life.

Even though i had deleted him from everything but that doesn't stop others telling me about him. Each time i hear about him, my heart will end up uncomfortable and hoping that I could touch him once again. No matter how strong i appear but inside me i'm still trying to pick up the broken pieces of my heart. I foresee this wound will be there for a while....1 year, 2 years or 10 years or forever??? I really don't know. I admire some people who can move on so fast and be happy.

I hate this feeling very much....arrgghhhh !!! I hate you, G !!! really really hate you.....

Fon