why why why...

I'm blogging first time while at the airport waiting for my flight back to Singapore. I was back to Malaysia for a weekend due to my dental appointment and it has to be a valentine's weekend. This is my first valentine that I celebrated without someone i love. Anyway, it was a good one as I got to hang out with my beloved girlfriends to pamper ourselves with massages and a nice dinner.

I could not believe myself is that I actually miss HIM. It has been a year or so....my feeling is still the same. Missing him but don't want to see him. Truthfully, I'm still very much in love in him although i know his heart has someone else now. The other day a close friend of mine actually asked me whether when i can let go the past and open my heart to accept someone new into my life. It's not there is no one out there for me but i just could not let go. All the memories still so fresh in my mind...... I was so hurt by him when he left me but how come i'm still carrying this excess baggage with me even i have moved to Singapore to start a new life. Now I kinda regret that I made the trip back this time. I really do not know when i can actually let go. Why am i still hanging on with someone who broke my heart and so selfish ???? Probably this is some kind of punishment that i have to go through during this current life.

Even though i had deleted him from everything but that doesn't stop others telling me about him. Each time i hear about him, my heart will end up uncomfortable and hoping that I could touch him once again. No matter how strong i appear but inside me i'm still trying to pick up the broken pieces of my heart. I foresee this wound will be there for a while....1 year, 2 years or 10 years or forever??? I really don't know. I admire some people who can move on so fast and be happy.

I hate this feeling very much....arrgghhhh !!! I hate you, G !!! really really hate you.....

Fon

Changeling

i just got back from a movie "Changeling" and it was awesome. Sad and I could really feel Angelina Jolie's character being a mum and strong woman. She makes the woman out there proud ! Hope she gets the Oscar. So many nice movies coming up.....can't wait to watch all of them.

These few days I have a bit moody. I don't know the reason why but i guess once in a while it's just not my day. For example last Friday.....I had a bad day really. I got scolded by my client which wasn't my fault at all and got screwed by a Manager whom I don't really fancy for questioning me on my time sheet which I spent most of weekends updating it. Luckily, I have a bunch of friends who can spice up my day after work. Cheers to you all !

This weekend has been slagging too...i was out pampering myself and chilling with friends. I didn't want to think about my work even though i know that the work is piling up. Nah....take it one at a time. For the money sake, I will ignore everything but focus on my work. I need to be happy and perform.

Tomorrow will be another feasting day...it's Chap Goh Meh which is also known as chinese v-day. I will be back to KL next weekend. Can't wait to catch up with some of my friends back home. After almost 2 months i'm here, i begin to miss home especially my room. Being lonely is torturing but need to make my life more colourful.

It's not healthy to keep thinking about the past. It's so hard to erase those memories and move on. I think I'm just too stubborn....sigh...

Fon