A long raya break

My company has been generous to let us enjoy an extra day off during raya and CNY. This year it was a continuous one from 1 to 3 Oct 2008 followed by a weekend so i have 5 days in total. It is indeed nice for having such a long break without the need of taking extra days off. This is the only year i think that i do not have any plans at all. Somehow i do have plans in mind but just too lazy to organize and moreover it involves $$$ so just forget it. I just have to be a good girl and stay @ home...in a way to save some money. I have been going online to read news, blogs and update my facebook. There are lots of reading to do and basically it will never end.

The last weekend I organized a birthday dinner for Bee and invited 3 of her close buddies (Stephers, Sharon and Saw Wen) to surprise her. I was glad that it worked out well especially for Bee. She deserved a blast birthday celebration. Stephers and Bee had blogged about it and most of the priceless moments were captured in their blog. Sweet ones !!

I don't think i can prevent myself for not thinking about the past especially when I'm all alone. It seems so hard to erase those memories away. Sigh...It got worse when seeing my ex putting up all sort of pics with his current girl. I was happy for him that he found someone new who can makes him happy and hope he could treat her well. Another part of me somehow felt so betrayed that he dumped me and got himself a new girl in such a short notice. He is indeed someone who can fall in love so easily. Perhaps, he has been the one to call it off in all his past relationships...that's why he could not feel the lost and also he is afraid of being lonely. Who doesn't feel it? who likes to be lonely? I don't think anyone out there wants to feel this way but sometimes we just have to accept the fact that it is happening. I was pretty shocked that a few weeks ago that he msg me over msn to ask me how am i. I did reply him to say that I'm doing fine which in fact i'm doing good. No doubt about it. Nevertheless, I just can't see myself carry any good conversation with him as I have lost faith in him even as a friend.

I do see some progress in my career move. After this raya, i hope to see more progress as it will be the time that i will have a word with my bosses. I need their support for my future career development. Hope all will turn out well. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that hope that I'm making a wise decision this time for myself. If i don't take the risk now, I will not know whether it will turn out well. I was never a risk taker and always want to play it safe. This time i hope i'm making a right choice. Even if it doesn't turn out well, I know I can still turn back and start all over again. It is somehow a right time to move especially i have no attachments or commitments that hold me back.

It has been like a month, I do not have a good conversation with him. He is leaving me in the dark as I do not know what is he thinking now. Does he still wants to be friends with me or hopes to ditch me away by giving cold shoulder to me? I do not know what i have done that he would treat me this way. It was partly my fault that I jump into conclusion too fast but is he aware that he has to take some responsibilities on this whole incident ? He held himself back after opened his door for me. Right now, I don't even care about pursuing further with him or not as it isn't important anymore but it is painful to lose a friendship that i just build. I still miss the good old conversations that we used to have and the stories we used to share. All i ask for is to maintain the friendship we used to have. Can we?

I can't wait to have a good swim later. Hope i could see a different perspective after dipping myself in the pool.

Fon