Just got this piece from a friend....
I know what I'm doing may be dumb
I know I should not be staring at the sun
But the thought of you leads me to temptation
It's the same whatever side you're on
Separated we are delicate and small
And the space between, needs our attention
I see you right in front of me, as close as you can get
And I pray that you won't leave, this daydream yet
And it might seem much too far, to get back to where you are
But it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love
I don't have to worry any more
If I really need you I'll go to the shore
And the thought of you there is my protection
I see you right in front of me, a vision in my head
And I know this is as real, as a daydream gets
And it might seem much too far, to get back to where you are
But it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love
You make no sound, but I can hear you in the wind
I can see this never ends, like the sea, like you for me
And it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love
And it might seem much too far, to get back to where you are
But it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love
Oh, oh...
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Am I still miserable or I already have an answer?
I just got home not long ago and had a long day today.....surprisingly I'm not sleepy at all. Perhaps, it was because i just got out from the shower and I have the urge to write and express my current feelings. As usual, I'm waiting for my hair to dry as the stupid hair dryer that i have didn't work that well. I should not have invested on cheap hair dryer. I shall wait whether i could redeem a hair dryer from my credit card points or bonuslink points.
Work was OK today....not much issues with clients. I headed to Modesto at Hartamas after work for IAFG (Inter Accounting Firms Games) Kick Off Dinner. IAFG will start officially this Monday (30 June 2008). Most of the players and sports club members were there, It was my first time attending the dinner. It went well and the ambience was good - spacious with good music. The food was not bad as well since the menu was chosen by my beloved boss :). Unfortunately, she wasn't there to join us as she is currently in Guangzhou with her family. It was her Bday - 27 June 2008 ! As usual, many ppl turned out late and the event was started at about 8:30pm. I tagged along with PS today and we reached there quite early - at around 7:20pm. I mingled around with him and other colleagues who arrived earlier while waiting for my other colleagues to come.
Since I didn't drive and PS also had to leave earlier, I got TW to pick me up from Modesto at around 9:45pm. TW had asked me out to have drinks a day earlier. He came back from SG unexpectedly to settle some issues and will be heading back to SG tomorrow morning. After fetching, we headed to Starbucks at Uptown since my car was there. It was easier for me to pick up my car later. I'm a green tea person so I ordered Green Tea Latte which is my current fav at Starbucks as I can't take coffee to avoid having headache. TW ordered his blended coffee. We sat down and chit-chatted until the shop closed. I think around 3 hours. We chatted about lots of things but i know we can still continue. If time allows us, we will be chatting non stop until we fall asleep. Since it was pretty late, we were hungry and had hokkien mee hoon mee and cantonese kuey teow for supper.
I like talking to TW but somehow it is not a good thing as i can feel that we are so alike which makes me have a different feeling. It is so comfortable as though i feel he isn't more than just a friend but someone whom i have known for so long and someone whom i want to be with to share my ups and downs. However, my instinct tells me he isn't ready to move another step forward with me since he still considered "attached". I have mixed feelings too. One side of my brain tells me that i should open my heart but the other side of my brain tells me to keep my close for the moment rather than being hurt or disappointed all over again. Was it better for me not to be so close to him anymore? Well, I'll be seeing him again in SG next Friday and will be spending couple of days together to tour around SG. Probably, this whole thing is just an one-sided relationship where I begin to fall for him but he just likes me as a friend. Why things must be so complicated? Can't it just lets us meet and love at first sight ? It will be hard too if I really can't get a job in SG and TW is very sure himself that he will want to stay in SG for long. I wish i could change my current environment. It's getting mundance and when I have met someone I thought it's rather perfect for me, I will have to face the challenges i.e. whether he is also into me? whether i could possibly move to SG to develop things further in terms of career and also relationship ? whether it this really what i want or just a temporary feeling where i just need someone ? etc etc etc....there are no straight forward answers to this !
But hardly I can actually find someone whom i feel so comfortable talking to. I think I have to control my feelings as I really do not want to lose him as a friend too. It's weird that I have been dreaming about him lately. The first dream i had about TW was really surprising and refreshing. I didn't expect that he actually whispered to me in my dream that he really likes me and want to be with me. Haha...it must be my own fantasy and imagination since i have stronger feelings against him more than he has for me. I woke up in shock and was slapped back to reality that it may not even happen. Jane, please wake up! If I keep living in fantasyworld, I will be miserable forever.
Fon
Work was OK today....not much issues with clients. I headed to Modesto at Hartamas after work for IAFG (Inter Accounting Firms Games) Kick Off Dinner. IAFG will start officially this Monday (30 June 2008). Most of the players and sports club members were there, It was my first time attending the dinner. It went well and the ambience was good - spacious with good music. The food was not bad as well since the menu was chosen by my beloved boss :). Unfortunately, she wasn't there to join us as she is currently in Guangzhou with her family. It was her Bday - 27 June 2008 ! As usual, many ppl turned out late and the event was started at about 8:30pm. I tagged along with PS today and we reached there quite early - at around 7:20pm. I mingled around with him and other colleagues who arrived earlier while waiting for my other colleagues to come.
Since I didn't drive and PS also had to leave earlier, I got TW to pick me up from Modesto at around 9:45pm. TW had asked me out to have drinks a day earlier. He came back from SG unexpectedly to settle some issues and will be heading back to SG tomorrow morning. After fetching, we headed to Starbucks at Uptown since my car was there. It was easier for me to pick up my car later. I'm a green tea person so I ordered Green Tea Latte which is my current fav at Starbucks as I can't take coffee to avoid having headache. TW ordered his blended coffee. We sat down and chit-chatted until the shop closed. I think around 3 hours. We chatted about lots of things but i know we can still continue. If time allows us, we will be chatting non stop until we fall asleep. Since it was pretty late, we were hungry and had hokkien mee hoon mee and cantonese kuey teow for supper.
I like talking to TW but somehow it is not a good thing as i can feel that we are so alike which makes me have a different feeling. It is so comfortable as though i feel he isn't more than just a friend but someone whom i have known for so long and someone whom i want to be with to share my ups and downs. However, my instinct tells me he isn't ready to move another step forward with me since he still considered "attached". I have mixed feelings too. One side of my brain tells me that i should open my heart but the other side of my brain tells me to keep my close for the moment rather than being hurt or disappointed all over again. Was it better for me not to be so close to him anymore? Well, I'll be seeing him again in SG next Friday and will be spending couple of days together to tour around SG. Probably, this whole thing is just an one-sided relationship where I begin to fall for him but he just likes me as a friend. Why things must be so complicated? Can't it just lets us meet and love at first sight ? It will be hard too if I really can't get a job in SG and TW is very sure himself that he will want to stay in SG for long. I wish i could change my current environment. It's getting mundance and when I have met someone I thought it's rather perfect for me, I will have to face the challenges i.e. whether he is also into me? whether i could possibly move to SG to develop things further in terms of career and also relationship ? whether it this really what i want or just a temporary feeling where i just need someone ? etc etc etc....there are no straight forward answers to this !
But hardly I can actually find someone whom i feel so comfortable talking to. I think I have to control my feelings as I really do not want to lose him as a friend too. It's weird that I have been dreaming about him lately. The first dream i had about TW was really surprising and refreshing. I didn't expect that he actually whispered to me in my dream that he really likes me and want to be with me. Haha...it must be my own fantasy and imagination since i have stronger feelings against him more than he has for me. I woke up in shock and was slapped back to reality that it may not even happen. Jane, please wake up! If I keep living in fantasyworld, I will be miserable forever.
Fon
Monday, June 23, 2008
My HEART is beating fast
I have been pretty lazy to blog. Actually, I have a lot of things to blog about but somehow too many things...sigh...better keep inside and left unsaid. Probably, when it hits me again I will blog about it. haha..
As you can see my blog subject today, my heart has been beating very fast lately. The rhythm is madness. I can feel like lots of mixed feelings. No doubt about it that I'm happy but at the same time it is aching. yes....it is linked to my past. Time to put it all my past behind as it is a history. I know the present is a gift and will be a blessed one...definitely a good one. Everyone who cares about me is so right that things will be better and better if I stop looking back but looking ahead. Someone out there has certainly trying to open up my heart again to be myself and to love again. Not sure how true to be true. I think I'm in love again.... =)
Fon
As you can see my blog subject today, my heart has been beating very fast lately. The rhythm is madness. I can feel like lots of mixed feelings. No doubt about it that I'm happy but at the same time it is aching. yes....it is linked to my past. Time to put it all my past behind as it is a history. I know the present is a gift and will be a blessed one...definitely a good one. Everyone who cares about me is so right that things will be better and better if I stop looking back but looking ahead. Someone out there has certainly trying to open up my heart again to be myself and to love again. Not sure how true to be true. I think I'm in love again.... =)
Fon
Saturday, June 14, 2008
All by myself this weekend
I just got frustrated over MSN lately as it gets harder to connect and sometimes it just gets disconnected several times or the messages were not sent across to another party. Well, guess it is also time for me to getto a new pc or laptop. Due to financial issues, this thought will have to be postponed.
I can't believe that this whole weekend i never plan anything. I'm stuck in the house whole day long and obviously didn't do anything productive. I have not been blogging for one whole week due to laziness and still catching up with my readings. I had some cleaners to clean the house and tomorrow will be a laundry day. I have to do laundry as well as ironing my clothes. I just hate ironing clothes. I don't mind to pay someone to do it. anyone??
Last night I was out with Stephy and her friend, Vida. It was actually to celebrate Stephy's belated birthday. We had dinner at Chillis, Mid Valley. I was running late but managed to buy her some roses as her belated birthday gift. It was a great gift as apparently she has not been receiving flowers for very long time. Flowers just spice up someone's day ! I didn't order anything extra at Chillis as Stephy ordered so much food which can feed at least 4 persons.
Dinner was good but imagine 3 girls can't decide where to hang out after that. I was a bit stoned due to lack of sleep lately and my brain was dead. Initially, we thought of chilling at Bangsar and last minute plan changed to Poppy Garden, KL since Daniel wanted to go there. I tailed Vida's car to Poppy. We reached there about 10:30pm and the place was still quiet. The cover charge was Rm35 and I had vodka lime which wasn't very nice as it was too sweet. Too much lime and I had to get the bartender to add ice. Daniel and his friends came late and Stephy had to be home by midnight. The moment we said hi to Daniel and his friends plus one round of whisky coke, we had to leave. My mood to club just started but for Stephy's safety sake, we leave together with her. It was a good excuse for me to be home early and sleep early. However, I wasn't so comfortable to hang out with Daniel's friends as they aren't that friendly and i rate them as "weirdos". Hope Daniel is not reading this.
Once again...I'm going through miserable moments. No one to blame but I have asked for it. I know it's shitty but I just can't let go as I seriously want to treasure the present and do not want to think far ahead. G is avoiding me lately. I wasn't sure what happens between us but to sum it all, it's complicated. He wanted to be friends initially but yet he is staying away from me. He is only nice to me whenever he wants something from me but whenever i want to look for him as friends, he is avoiding me totally and been giving me excuses that he is busy. I believe that he is busy with work plus having stress cough (this cough will always stick to him when he is stressed up) but up to the extend that he doesn't reply my sms at all. I begin to doubt myself, am I that hateful ? What's wrong ? I love him as a friend regardless how he had treated me before this. Don't I deserve another chance to be at least good friends since you have been telling everyone that we are still good friends? I admit that I'm weak but been mistreated is seriously torturing. I have told him earlier that if we ever break up, we will never be friends and he assured me that we will. Look at all the mess between us...does he realise that ? How can he be so cruel towards me after been with him for 3 years 3 months and 23 days. I don't care what's going to happen in future but my love for him will never be less. I seriously treasure him and obviously it was painful for him to end this relationship after I have put in so much but looking at the bright side, he is doing it for my own good. What good will that be if he has to treat me this way and let me move on with broken hearts which are scattered everywhere ?
Fon
I can't believe that this whole weekend i never plan anything. I'm stuck in the house whole day long and obviously didn't do anything productive. I have not been blogging for one whole week due to laziness and still catching up with my readings. I had some cleaners to clean the house and tomorrow will be a laundry day. I have to do laundry as well as ironing my clothes. I just hate ironing clothes. I don't mind to pay someone to do it. anyone??
Last night I was out with Stephy and her friend, Vida. It was actually to celebrate Stephy's belated birthday. We had dinner at Chillis, Mid Valley. I was running late but managed to buy her some roses as her belated birthday gift. It was a great gift as apparently she has not been receiving flowers for very long time. Flowers just spice up someone's day ! I didn't order anything extra at Chillis as Stephy ordered so much food which can feed at least 4 persons.
Dinner was good but imagine 3 girls can't decide where to hang out after that. I was a bit stoned due to lack of sleep lately and my brain was dead. Initially, we thought of chilling at Bangsar and last minute plan changed to Poppy Garden, KL since Daniel wanted to go there. I tailed Vida's car to Poppy. We reached there about 10:30pm and the place was still quiet. The cover charge was Rm35 and I had vodka lime which wasn't very nice as it was too sweet. Too much lime and I had to get the bartender to add ice. Daniel and his friends came late and Stephy had to be home by midnight. The moment we said hi to Daniel and his friends plus one round of whisky coke, we had to leave. My mood to club just started but for Stephy's safety sake, we leave together with her. It was a good excuse for me to be home early and sleep early. However, I wasn't so comfortable to hang out with Daniel's friends as they aren't that friendly and i rate them as "weirdos". Hope Daniel is not reading this.
Once again...I'm going through miserable moments. No one to blame but I have asked for it. I know it's shitty but I just can't let go as I seriously want to treasure the present and do not want to think far ahead. G is avoiding me lately. I wasn't sure what happens between us but to sum it all, it's complicated. He wanted to be friends initially but yet he is staying away from me. He is only nice to me whenever he wants something from me but whenever i want to look for him as friends, he is avoiding me totally and been giving me excuses that he is busy. I believe that he is busy with work plus having stress cough (this cough will always stick to him when he is stressed up) but up to the extend that he doesn't reply my sms at all. I begin to doubt myself, am I that hateful ? What's wrong ? I love him as a friend regardless how he had treated me before this. Don't I deserve another chance to be at least good friends since you have been telling everyone that we are still good friends? I admit that I'm weak but been mistreated is seriously torturing. I have told him earlier that if we ever break up, we will never be friends and he assured me that we will. Look at all the mess between us...does he realise that ? How can he be so cruel towards me after been with him for 3 years 3 months and 23 days. I don't care what's going to happen in future but my love for him will never be less. I seriously treasure him and obviously it was painful for him to end this relationship after I have put in so much but looking at the bright side, he is doing it for my own good. What good will that be if he has to treat me this way and let me move on with broken hearts which are scattered everywhere ?
Fon
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Books !!
Well, what's more to come after fuel increased by 40% ??? Just have to face it and try to save for future use.
I have been quite lazy to blog these days. Actually there are a lot of things to talk about. Before I blog, I ended up reading other blogs which basically talk about what I wanted to share. To prevent repetition, I will talk about something else.
Last night I went to watch Kung Fu Panda with CY, Bee, KS and PS. Basically, I introduced PS to my usual Subang friends. Everything went well and it's good that everyone is comfortable to hang out. Kung Fu Panda is hilarious and worth watching. We love it so much and of course we had non stop of laughters. Jack Black played the voice over as Panda who is so adorable and now I feel like hugging him especially the big fat belly he has. In the movie, Panda, Po will eat whenever he feels upset. I'm the total opposite. I can't eat whenever I'm upset which makes it worst as I feel suffer gastric after that. Every individual has his/her own way to heal sadness and celebrate happiness. Just have to do something that can make you feel better.
After our movie, we went for drinks at Anggerik at USJ2 (our usual hang out place after movie at Summit). It's still the same and always so crowded. Anggerik serves nice Nasi Lemak but all of us were too full so just ordered drinks. In fact, drinks are not cheap anymore. It costs RM2 per glass / mug. Imagine a teh O ice limau is like RM2 ?? Last time we used to pay like 80 cents. Things are getting more and more expensive but we are still get the same salary amount each month. It's depressing to think about it. Sigh...
Bee just lent me some novels to read. Actually, I have stop reading for a long time. Guess it's time to pick reading again. I'll start off with "where rainbow ends" by Cecelia Ahern (the author for P.S, I Love You....ahem not my friend PS). I know I will be hooked with books after this. I still many reading materials to cover...my backdated cleo, female and reader digest. I have to be determine to spend at least 1 - 2 hours a day to read before I hit to bed. Otherwise, I will never finish reading all.
This also tells me that my blogging time will be reduced as well. I'll definitely share out my thoughts if I found something good to share. GOOD THINGS MUST SHARE!
Fon
I have been quite lazy to blog these days. Actually there are a lot of things to talk about. Before I blog, I ended up reading other blogs which basically talk about what I wanted to share. To prevent repetition, I will talk about something else.
Last night I went to watch Kung Fu Panda with CY, Bee, KS and PS. Basically, I introduced PS to my usual Subang friends. Everything went well and it's good that everyone is comfortable to hang out. Kung Fu Panda is hilarious and worth watching. We love it so much and of course we had non stop of laughters. Jack Black played the voice over as Panda who is so adorable and now I feel like hugging him especially the big fat belly he has. In the movie, Panda, Po will eat whenever he feels upset. I'm the total opposite. I can't eat whenever I'm upset which makes it worst as I feel suffer gastric after that. Every individual has his/her own way to heal sadness and celebrate happiness. Just have to do something that can make you feel better.
After our movie, we went for drinks at Anggerik at USJ2 (our usual hang out place after movie at Summit). It's still the same and always so crowded. Anggerik serves nice Nasi Lemak but all of us were too full so just ordered drinks. In fact, drinks are not cheap anymore. It costs RM2 per glass / mug. Imagine a teh O ice limau is like RM2 ?? Last time we used to pay like 80 cents. Things are getting more and more expensive but we are still get the same salary amount each month. It's depressing to think about it. Sigh...
Bee just lent me some novels to read. Actually, I have stop reading for a long time. Guess it's time to pick reading again. I'll start off with "where rainbow ends" by Cecelia Ahern (the author for P.S, I Love You....ahem not my friend PS). I know I will be hooked with books after this. I still many reading materials to cover...my backdated cleo, female and reader digest. I have to be determine to spend at least 1 - 2 hours a day to read before I hit to bed. Otherwise, I will never finish reading all.
This also tells me that my blogging time will be reduced as well. I'll definitely share out my thoughts if I found something good to share. GOOD THINGS MUST SHARE!
Fon
Yesterday....
It's a brilliant song and how emo i can be it's all because of this song.....
Yesterday - By Leona Lewis
I just cant believe your gone
Still waitin for mornin to come
When I see if the sun will rise, in the way that your by my side
Well we got so much in store
Tell me what is it im reaching for
When were through building memories i'll hold yesterday in my heart
In my heart
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that we never play
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
You always choose to stay
I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what the future holds, or least where the story goes
I never believed untill now
I know i'll see you again im sure
No its not selfish to ask for more
One more night one more day one more smile on your face
But they cant take yesterday
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that we never play
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
I thought our days would last forever
But it wasnt our destiny
Cause in my mind we had so much time, but I was so wrong
No I can believe that I can still find the strength in the moments we made
Im lookin back on yesterday
Yesterday - By Leona Lewis
I just cant believe your gone
Still waitin for mornin to come
When I see if the sun will rise, in the way that your by my side
Well we got so much in store
Tell me what is it im reaching for
When were through building memories i'll hold yesterday in my heart
In my heart
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that we never play
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
You always choose to stay
I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what the future holds, or least where the story goes
I never believed untill now
I know i'll see you again im sure
No its not selfish to ask for more
One more night one more day one more smile on your face
But they cant take yesterday
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that we never play
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
I thought our days would last forever
But it wasnt our destiny
Cause in my mind we had so much time, but I was so wrong
No I can believe that I can still find the strength in the moments we made
Im lookin back on yesterday
Sunday, June 1, 2008
End the month of May with a blast !
May is my favourite month - maybe I was born in the month of May ?
There were ups and downs throughout the month of May. I was sad and happy at the same time but overall I ended it with a blast especially managed to spend some time with my buddy, MY as I would not know where we both will be heading to after this. Most probably, she will not be in Malaysia whereas I will be stagnant here. I just feel that my career opportunities are getting limited unless I don't mind pay cut. Truthfully, I can't survive with pay cut. sigh....money money money....it's never enough =(
Both MY and I had facial appointments. After my facial, I went to service my car. Luckily, everything is alrite. Thought I could rest a while in the afternoon but I ended up watching a movie on Star Movies, The Guardian which starred Ashton Kutcher and Kevin Costner. It was a inspiring movie. After the movie, I took my shower and dressed up for my outing with MY. She always has been very adventurous. We just headed to KL without knowing what's for dinner but for sure we will be attending Hennessy Artistry at Aloha Club, KL as Ling Ling asked us to join her there with her friends.
Since I know that Ian was part of the organizing team for Hennessy Artistry so I did ask him whether we could get VIP passes. Well, he was kind enough to offer the VIP passes to me. I really appreciate it. When we were near Jalan Alor, I think the road should be Jalan Tengkat Thong Shin, we saw the restaurant, Sao Nam which MY had tried before about 2 years back. Since we found a parking right in front of the restaurant, we decided to eat there. It was an old house which turned into a restaurant (pic below).
When we entered the restaurant, most of the tables were reserved but luckily there was one more table for two of us. It is a vietnamese cuisine restaurant and obviously I will grab my chance to have my vietnamese coffee. French music were played and they also offer French wines. After browsed through the menu, we ordered spring rolls, beef noodle (pho) and duck with tamarind sauce. The food was awesome. The food was as good as what I had in Vietnam. In fact, most of the customers there are foreigners. Guess it was because they serve wines there. Overall, the restaurant has very nice ambience especially for candlelight dinner.
After our dinner, we went to Aloha Club, Jln P Ramlee for the Hennessy Artistry. When we reached there, it was about 10pm. It was not very crowded yet. After we got out VIP passes, we went straight up to Level 2 and we were also lucky enough to get a table. Since the rest have not arrived, so MY and I just hanged around and some waiters served us drinks. For VIP guests, the drinks were free flow for the whole night. They only have two choices i.e. Hennessy Shanghai and Hennessy Miami (pic below). Both were equally good. Though I'm not a big fan of Hennessy but somehow the mix makes the drink taste better. The place got crowded and crowded but at least we manage to walk around with our drinks and also danced the whole night long.
Ling Ling and her friends came about 10:30pm. They were a bunch of nice ppl to hang out with as they know their limits and will not do funny stuffs to spoil the night. The performance from Point Blanc and Bangkok Invaders started at about 11pm. It was awesome. Though the music played thereafter wasn't very upbeat, we still enjoyed ourselves. It was crazy but I was happy as I always like to club especially with a bunch of friends I'm comfortable with. We left the club at about 2am and when i reached home, it was 3am. I'm physically tired but somehow I could not fall asleep. Don't know why. Probably my sleeping time has passed.
To sum it all, I ended the month of May with a blast =). No regrets
Fon
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